Starcraft

Welcome to the humble missives of Terran Marine Bob. Some Marines relish war. Some relish the time they get at home.
Some just relish the opportunity to constantly bitch about the war in the Koprulu Sector. Bob is one of those. Other than taht, he's your typical gun-toting, Medic obssessed Marine. Welcome, to yet another 'humorous' portrayal of StarCraft life, proving that K'tan can also jump on a bandwagon like the whore he is.

This is something I came up with on the spur of the moment in one of those rushes. However, I have put some effort in. I'm only concerned people might not get it :/

I'll let you decide :D

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Ever just watched a spider crawl across a wall, not a care in the world? It looks so insignificant, doesn't it. So simple, and unassuming. Just plodding along. That's how they make you feel in battle sometimes. Just a little spider, desperately crawling along the vast wall, or vast battlefield, waiting to get squised by some daft bastard who should really know better.

It's not a fun life, that of a Terran Marine. The amount of crap you have to go through. Alot of the time it's stuff like being slapped around by an Ultralisk. I tell you, Zerg rushes, they ain't fun. One of my squaddies...Kekekeke's he calls 'em. On account of the noise the Zerg make. Then again, I always thought that was only really Zerglings. With Ultras it's more of a throaty roar and Hydras a saliva smothered growl. You have to admit the Zerglings though, they are kinda cute. Well, up until they are ripping your guts out.

Thing is, there's no real 'perk' either. Wraith Pilots and the bikers get the speed and adrenaline rush. Ghosts with their cloaking and the 'wanna see my sniper rifle' line get the Medics. Apparantly explaining the complex mechanics of a Gauss rifle to a Medic doesn't make her want you to jump on board and ride her like an Ursadon. Something about 'roleplay,' with the Cloaking... Firebats get the flamethrowers, so they can burn trees and stuff, for kicks. Don't get me started on Siege Tanks. Pompus gits. SCV life is pretty cushy too. Well, up until they get ass-raped by a Lurker drop, but that's besides the point.

Now, the Protoss...they grind my gears sometimes too. I mean, they've got this all devestating power to blow up planets and stuff, but still like to come down in their 'big holy ships' and make a right mess of us all. Face to face. Just takes the piss out of those guys who look after their wargear. then they have the nerve to start using

Carriers. I mean, c'mon, that's just not cricket lads. And the fact they can put thier dead into Dragoons. Oooooh 'I serve after Death!' That's just cliche guys. I mean, we don't have any kind of life insurance like that. Whatever, we have dental, but who needs good teeth when they get knocked out every five minutes? Pretty needless, if you ask me.

Bunkers are a joke too. I mean, instead of storing some of the Vespene Gas there, in a DEFENSIVE STRUCTURE like the cheap bastards you are, why not place it in a storage bay. Because we all know, due to the combustibility of vespene that when the bunker catches fire, it'll spread to the gas. That is unless the SCVs come and fix it up. Which they often can't do because we're supposed to 'protect' them from the Zerg. Which, I suppose, is the irony, since the Bunkers kinda help, in that respect.

Also, as I kinda touched on before, chicks just don't go for the 'heavily scarred veteran' look. Something about those flouncy Ghosts and their 'lithe bodies' or whatever the medics say. I mean, Zerglings are pretty skinny, but would you go for them? Hell no, you'd want a Hydra. Something to hold onto, a bit of blubber to keep you warm in the night. Of course, not like an Ultra or anything. That's just too big. I mean, you don't want something that snaps in the wind, but you don't want something that snaps you when it breaks wind.

Where was I?

Yeah, and then there are your inept generals. If they ain't pining over some infested bitch or creating a new 'perfect race' they are either sending their men or woman to die needlessly or just cutting a long story short and topping themselves. And why does every ex-Confederate sound Texan? It was funny at first, but now I start to think

that they are just putting it on. And the Valkerie pilots trying to flirt...that's just embarrasing. It's not that they ain't hot. It's when they start coming out with the horse noises. That just ain't right. Also, that fact that the Medic's voice really just makes you want to go for a quiet lie down.

Then you've got the 'toss. Speaking right into your head? That's just damned rude. I mean, c'mon. Then, when they start with all the rhetoric...the shouting is unbearable! It's like trying to speak to a guy who's got headphones in. Y'know, they start shouting to hear themselves, you eardrums start bleeding. Execpt, with the 'toss, it's a brain haemorrhage. instead. Poor Johnny, he's still in the loon room. Then again, he's got some eyecandy while he's there. Seems they save the best Medics at the home base, if you catch my drift.

Damn, how I hate tanks, taking all the credit. They just sit there, firing their all owning guns while we have to form a neat orderly line in front of them so they don't get rushed by Zerglings. We get iced, they get a medal. It's hardly fair now, is it? Sure, they send the odd Goliath too (pilots are actually pretty nice guys) but nothing says chomp me like a row of Marines lined up all nice and neat. And the Medics can't heal them as quick as the Tanks panic and kill our own men with all that splash damage. Or worse, just bugger off. I mean, that's just rude.

And then, they never send in BCs to support. 'Too expensive' Even when the 'toss are coming other with twenty Carriers, they just leave some cloaked Wraiths at base, leaving us to run away like it's Godzilla coming. Which makes us look even MORE like morons. And that does not impress the Medics one bit. You just see them there. You stumble out of intensive care, covered in bandages and hobbling on crutches. Then they do that girly giggle thing that translates as 'gurly' for 'Oh dear, what a loser.' Thing is, it doesn't help that the 'girly giggle' just make you want them more...it just sucks, that does.

I guess that's it. Life's just always cruel to a Marine. It's not easy and you have to accept it.

Still, I'd like it if less of my friends got their faces chewed off...

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That's all folks.