Starcraft

The Zerg Gang
By: AzVortez
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It was a normal night. Bob, Ted, and Jim were all at the bar, drinking like they always did, telling their wives they were doing overtime. It was a dingy bar, slimy and crusty blood from old bar fights. The lighting was horrible, and people kept bumping into each other, soon getting fresh blood out. But it was the best thing around for miles, so they thought they’d just have a couple drinks and go home. All three were almost fully drunk, talking about all the stuff at work. Bob told a sloppy story about how he impressed this blonde by getting a perfect shooting score at the range, but everyone knew it was a fake. Bob was an ex-marine, demoted from a Marine to janitor because his shooting test indicated he had a high probability of friendly fire. Ted and Jim had desk jobs at a military factory, ordering parts and making sure they went to the right quadrants. Everyone was drunk, buying drinks, playing pool, or just talking. Little did they know, The Gang was in town.

They busted through the door, guns loaded and knives wielded. The Gang consisted of four people: An Ultralisk, a Zergling, a Defiler, and a Drone. All the gang members fumbled with their weapons, as they didn’t have any real hands to actually hold them. Jim turned around, the Ultralisk looming over him and everyone else in the bar. “BOOOOO!!!” yelled Bob, his hand showing the thumbs down sign of disapproval. Right after him, everyone else followed suit, yelling their comments at their horrible entrance. Breaking down, the Ultralisk hugged the Zergling and cried its eyes out. “We’re a failure! We’ll never be gangsters! Never!” cried the Ultralisk. “There there,” the Zergling comforted, “We’ll get through this.” “But look! Look at us! I’m just a big fat sob, Defiler is some fart, always pumpin' out orange and red gas, and Drone is always pickin’ stuff up, examining them and bringin’ it back to the Hive! Like that used condom!” cried Ultralisk, its tears literally drowning Zergling. Ted screamed with laughter. “HA! A USED CONDOM?! LOSER!!” he laughed out in between breaths. Soon, everyone was chanting loser, and Drone ran into a corner sobbing, covering his body with tables and chairs. Zergling stood up for Drone and said: “If you gonna mess with us, we’ll mess you over!” But no one heeded him, and continued their chanting. And that’s when the gang action started.

Zergling lashed out, slashing a drunken guy across the chest. As his guts slowly spilled onto the grimy floor, the guy stuttered out: “He’s got- he’s got a- a shank!” That’s when Jim took action. “Lets jump those @#%$es!” yelled Jim. Everyone pounced onto the wanna be gang members, hitting them countless times. However, these gang members had the most legendary skills a drunken man would ever see.

Zergling sliced at his opponents, Ultralisk flooded the room with his tears, and Defiler farted out red gases, causing the bar people’s health points to decrease. The only reason none of the gang members didn’t die was because they were too focused on the green life bar hovering over their head, trying to figure out what the @#$% it was. As the combat raged, so did the skills of the infamous gang. Zergling sliced faster, Ultralisk cried more, and Defiler farted red AND orange gas. The drunken men fell one by one, slowly dwindling in numbers. When Defiler’s gas disappeared, the aftermath was revealed. Twenty dead bar men, including Ted and Jim. Bob and the bartender were the only ones left standing. That’s when shots were fired.

Bob held his pistol, aiming it at the ceiling. Then he looked at his two best friends. They lay dead, drowned by Ultralisk’s tears. As Bob slowly comprehended the aftermath as much as his brain would let him, he finally concluded that Zergling did it. He pointed at the creature, his vision doubled. And he pulled the trigger.

A beer bottle six feet from Zergling erupted into pieces of glass, and Zergling did what he had to do. He leaped forward, claws ready to rip Bob apart. And just when he was about to make contact, everything slowed to a stop. Zergling couldn’t move, and neither could Bob. Wondering what the hell just happened, a corpse of a bar man rose up and said: “Dramatic effect!”, then went limp and collapsed into the floor. Then time speeded up, and Bob was no more. But something more powerful was lurking in this room. Something that would assist them in their mad rage to rule this bar. It was lurking in the corner of this room, forming into the most deadly thing anyone would ever see.

Too bad Drone was still mutating into a creep colony.