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Merchant of Death: chapter 1
Author: mranderson
Comments: 6 (Watch for comments!, Add to favorites)
Views: 1187

[Damn, that was the worst I have ever been treated yet. Well another night with the squad won’t be so bad.] Stepping out of the elevator he wandered the darkened streets, and thought about what a night with his squad at the bar really meant. [Another night of turning down prostitutes, and drinks. Two things I never have participated in, even with my squad. Both give me headaches even though I have never tried either of them. My squad always tries to get me to take a drink, or hook up with one of the girls. Don’t even have to pay for it, because my squad just wants me to try it. Oh well. Guess I’ll hit the sack. Still have a week, since I wasted this day, so only nine more days of being treated like shit. At least my squad will go back, and get on with their lives as real marines tomorrow.]

Walking through the same district he arrived at his apartment building. The door slid open for him, and the guard on watch addressed him. “Good night Mr. Fenix. Hope you had a good day.” He received the same comment from several people on his way to the elevator.

[Fuck, I am either treated like shit, or like royalty. Partially my fault for wearing my marine jumpsuit, but why does every person I meet treat me like crap until they find out about the card. It is time to find a new place to live, and not use my credit charger to pay for it.] Turning around he walked out of the building never to enter it again. Wandering aimlessly he thought about where to find a new place to live.

Arriving at a hub for the magnetic mass transit system that ran through this first class district he looked around him. Getting on he took his ride quietly even though a few scoffs were made at his black marine jumpsuit. Arriving at the opposite side of the first class citizen district he stepped off, and entered a different apartment building. Walking over to the counter, he pressed the button, and waited. The woman at the counter looked over at him, and then continued to chat with her coworker. [I think Bear had it right, staying back at base.]

“Excuse me, I would like a room.” Slipping his thousand c-bill onto the counter he waited. Finally looking over at him annoyed she noticed the c-bill, and walked over.

“How long will you be staying marine?”

“Until my squad is reassigned to a new base.”

“Ummm, okay. Name please.”

“Fenix, Markus.”

“Okay, we have a room on the second floor…” Markus pretended to cough, and put two one hundred c-bills on the counter. [Better than to be treated like shit.]

“Great to meet you Markus Fenix. We have a vacancy on the top floor. Here is your room key. Hope you enjoy your stay.”

Taking the key, Markus walked over to the elevator, and got in. The walls were stainless steel. “Top floor.” Beginning its ascent by the magnetic system in use, it propelled him upwards silently towards his destination. [Shouldn’t have slipped her so much money. I just wanted a normal room in this place. I just don’t want to be treated like shit, or treated like royalty. I would rather have a top floor room than one next to ground level though.] The ride was at least uninterrupted by others on the way to the top floor as Markus wondered what his new apartment would look like. Stepping out of the elevator he saw a woman standing impatiently outside her room in the middle of the hall cutting this floor exactly in half.

[Not a call girl or gold digger. To dressed up. Married, no, husband would be with her.]
She interrupted his thoughts as she turned, and spoke to him, keeping the right part of her face turned away from him. [Great, more arrogance from the upper class]

“That was fast. Less than a minute since I called someone to open my door. Can’t believe they sent an off time marine though. Confederacy seems to be militarizing everything these days. I can’t even figure why they call them police actions anymore. They got rid of that force before I was born.”

“Police were for civilians so it is a police action. However, I can’t figure out why they call it civil unrest. It stopped being civil when weapons were introduced to citizens. Especially when it was introduced to the first class citizens.”

“Citizens only rest when their rights are not infringed upon. They have to fight for their rights now to make sure they are heard, and not ignored.”

“Not my fault civilians elect politicians though. I thought they were supposed to protect civilians’ rights.”

“So why don’t you open my door before I get impatient?”

“I’m not here to open your door. I live on this floor now.”

“Oh I’m sure you live there. It would be an improvement over that old man who died over a month ago though.”

“So anyways who lives here besides me, and you?”

“Well let’s see. Two rooms and they are each occupied now, so just us. Don’t marines know math?”

“Of course marines know math. We have to keep track of our kill count to decide who gets promoted. Wait. There are only two apartments on this entire floor.”

“Ya but the apartment has some more rooms, and a balcony on the roof.”

“Damn it.”

“What, wanted more citizens on this floor to butcher?” Markus remained silent, and finally she continued on. “If you can’t afford it I can have my father cover it for you.”

Coming back to his senses Private Fenix continued on. “I can afford it even though my marine pay won’t cover it. Who is your father anyways? Some rich banking man I suspect.”

“For your information he is a Vice Admiral in the Navy. So what is your second occupation? Some kind of drug dealer I suspect.”

“Good one. So I’m guessing you are waiting for that guy.” Markus pointed over to the elevator as its doors slid open. An older man stepped out, and walked over to the two. Looking first at the marine like he didn’t belong he turned his attention to the woman.

“Sorry Ms. Raneil, but we can’t open the door for you, or give you a spare room key again. Local squad has cracked down on all laws.” Turning, and leaving he left the two in the hall. She just looked at the ground, and said nothing.

[Help her, or scoff? Right thing, or treat her like she treated me? Damn, when did I develop these habits.]

Making up his mind he spoke kindly to her. “I’m sorry for the trouble I have given you tonight.”
Still looking at the ground she replied. “I am sure you are.” She began to tear up; he could tell how her voice began to break at the end, but she tried to hold it in.

“Listen, my name is Markus Fenix. I joined the marines, because I was tired of everyone treating me differently. I can help you, and get your key if you want.”

Looking up at his face with her tear filled eyes she moved closer to him. Wrapping her arms around him she began to cry into his shoulder. In that instant Markus’s attention was focused on the bruise on her right cheek. [She wasn’t being arrogant at all, but trying to hide this mark.] Markus just stood there.

Waiting for her to calm down took a while. If there was one thing Markus had learned from the marines it was patience. Finally she let go of him, and took a step back. She continued to look at the ground. Markus spoke first. “Do you want me to help you?” she looked at the ground, and only shook her head in acknowledgement. “Okay, I don’t want you left out in the hall by yourself though. You can go into my room, and wait there. I’ll go grab your room key.” Markus held his room key out to her, and she began to cry. She moved closer to him, and this time Markus held her there, and looked at her dirty blonde hair, and what he could see of the back of her black dress. He turned his thoughts to how best care for her.

[What do I do now? Work mind. Crying hot girl. What should I do?] Markus’s brain drifted from where he wanted it to go, and he corrected this. [What is the right thing to do? Secure area, call for… Damn it. Work mind. Make sure she is okay, so…my apartment should be safe. But how do I move her when she is crying like this?]

Between his marine training, practiced rhetoric for the upper class, and his background information he gained in his teenage years he had no idea what to do. Never had he wanted to help a person so badly. Even being arrogant she had been nicer than all of the other first class citizens in meeting him for the first time. It was a step up from the level of how he was normally greeted by first class citizens. She acknowledged him, and didn’t relegate him to an even lower status than a marine.

Standing in the hall, she gripped him tightly, and he held her. His rough, black marine jumpsuits material stood out from her smooth, black dress. At last she loosened her grip, and looked up into his face. “If you could help me…that…” Putting her head back down in his shoulder, she continued crying. [Okay, will she stop crying. Probably in a couple of minutes. But if I move her…that would be difficult for her. Don’t want to cause any more discomfort to her.]

Her grip tightened on him, and she continued to cry. [Shit, why didn’t I get info on this? It would have helped a lot more, never use that other shit anyways. Fuck…why didn’t they take out swearing. Never mind, never used to swear until after I joined the marines, and was treated like shit by the upper class. Why does she have to be so good looking? Is that why I am helping her? Am I that shallow?]

Interrupting his thought process again, she finally stopped crying, and stepped away from him. Meanwhile, she still kept her face towards the ground. Her legs gave out, and Markus moved to catch her as she fell. Easily grabbing her before she hit the ground he gently lifted her up into his arms. Moving over to the only other door in the hallway he swiped the card, and it opened. Stepping into the first room it was dark except for the light provided by the hallway. [That is right. Haven’t preset the lights, because I just moved in.] “Lights on.” The room brightened, and Markus could see a fountain in the middle. The walls were white except for where the arches were black. [Damn Confederate architecture. I never wanted to see this shit again.] Walking past he entered a hallway that led left, or right. Glancing left, he saw a dining room. Looking the other way he could make out another room.

This one was more spacious, and a flat display screen covered an entire wall with couches placed all over the room. Stepping through this room he went on. Finding another elevator in his own apartment he stepped in. The doors closed, and it automatically went up a floor. When the doors opened he stepped out. Looking around he was finally satisfied with this room. It contained a small dining area, and a couch. All of the walls were mostly black. Mahogany wood was used largely across this room. The kitchen area had floorboards, but the couch area had plush, black carpet. This room was made for at least one person. She moved a little in his arms as he surveyed the room. Setting her on the couch, he moved over to the blank, black wall opposite from her. “Lights off.” As the room darkened he slid down, and leaned his head against the wall, his eyes adjusting to the darkness. Looking over her, he tried to sleep.

[This is uncomfortable, but oh well. I’ve slept in worse places. Damn, she is hot. Man, I need to stop thinking about that. At least she’ll be okay.]
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“Private Fenix, your job is to clear that building. The rest of us will move on to the main objective.” “Sir, yes, sir.” With that private first class Markus Fenix jumped from the moving dropship. His marine armor was all black, not having been customized yet. Landing outside the one story concrete building he surveyed the rest of his surroundings. Running closer to the building he switched his visor to show thermal vision. The upgraded sensors picked up seven life signs in one room at the back of the building. Smiling, Markus moved around to the other side. Checking to make sure his visual was correct one last time he began to run. His servos began to whine, and his HUD showed the seven looking around confused; four were near the door, and three more behind a barricade. A voice came over his comm. System. “Private Fenix, we are done with the main objective. What is your current situation?”

The eight foot tall marine armor weighing nearly five hundred pounds by itself hit the foot thick concrete wall. It caved under the force, and part of the ceiling fell. The seven in the room turned around terrified as the marine powered armor appeared amidst the destruction of their wall. A small compartment under the Marine’s left arm opened, and a DP-5 frag grenade slipped into his left hand. Throwing it near the door his left arm glided under his gauss rifle, and he raised it. Pulling the trigger he sprayed the three behind the barricade with the depleted uranium shells. The grenade went off as the last shot from his gauss rifle left the barrel. Markus checked his ammo count on his gun, and grinned with his adrenaline still pumping before he radioed back in. “Hell yeah Sarge I am the shit!”

Turning around he switched his HUD back to normal vision, and looked at the transport coming in with the sun setting. “Nice job Private Fenix. You just took out seven terrorists. Watched it on my HUD myself. Hope you are proud of yourself son.” Turning around, and looking at his handiwork illuminated by the setting sun, the marine’s suit gave out, and its knees hit the floor. The gauss rifle dropped into the rubble. His scream filled the comm. Four bodies were by the door, and three were behind the table tipped over. Blood flowed freely from the three by the table while the four at the door had turned to face the grenade, and had the front part of their bodies ripped apart by the low-powered DP-5 frag grenade. The three had large bullet holes, with copious amounts of blood spilling across the floor from where the spikes had passed through their bodies. All seven of them had a look of terror on their faces. Not one of them was even close to being eighteen.
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“Markus, wake up. Wake up!”

Markus didn’t want to open his eyes. He felt something pushing his shoulder. He opened them, and saw the woman in the black dress shaking him. Realizing where he was he let his body slump closer to the ground while closing his eyes again. [It was only a dream. No wait. That shit really happened, I killed those kids. I did it. It was me.] Tearing up, he waited until he was sure she there was no chance in hell she would see him crying before opening his eyes. He watched as she knelt beside him. “Hey, are you okay?” Markus looked into her eyes. [Hazel, not bad at all.] “Ya I’ll be fine.”

“Hey Markus, nice silver eyes. [why does that sound familiar?] Obviously you know my last name from that bastard in the hall.”

“Ya, your father served in the guild wars. He was promoted after he succeeded in being pivotal at the last battle. I believe he took the fleet commander’s position after he died, and led them to their last victory.”

“What? Even I don’t know that. That happened before I was born.”

“Happened before I was born too, but I still know about it.”

“So you know more about my father’s military history than I do?”

“I should go get your key. I kind of fell asleep last night after I set you down.”

“Against the wall, I noticed. I could tell you were lost in the apartment also. Sounded like you were having a bad dream also by the way you were screaming.”

Markus shivered as he tried to shake off his dream. “I’ll go grab your key. Just stay here and I’ll come back with it.”

Walking back through the elevator, he finally made his way down to the counter. Leaning on the counter the same person he saw last night greeted him. “I need citizen Raniel’s room key.” She looked skeptically at him, and he added, “by confederate mandate1587.” She glumly grabbed the room key, and slid it over to him. Turning, he made his way back to Raneil. Stepping out of the elevator, and through the hallway he got back in the last elevator…


1, InfestedTerran
Date: Jul 29, 2007
Time: 02:44 PM
 
I liked it. Big improvment from the first one. Diaolog and discription was weak in a few areas but overall good.

-FOR THE OVERMIND-

2, mranderson
Date: Aug 02, 2007
Time: 02:18 AM
 
81 views, two votes, and two comments including mine.

Can someone critique my writing more please.

3, Seven
Date: Aug 11, 2007
Time: 10:42 PM
 
Pretty interesting how you put the thoughts of the person in to the story as well.

4, Balance
Date: Aug 26, 2007
Time: 04:45 AM
 
~Good~

Nice continuation of the main ideas in the first installment, with the addition of a flashback and perhaps a romance (?) makes this story a nice work that is sorely to be desired on Starcraft.org. Great work! All I don't get is why the marine collapses so easily (twice--one after setting the woman down and two after looking back at a battle scene)... Oh and I also liked the description and the use of [brackets] to signify the protagonist's thoughts.

--Balance: only the impartial may adjudicate

5, DoctorOctopus
Date: Aug 28, 2007
Time: 12:35 AM
 
I'm afraid you've got some of society's balances wrong, as you have in the first one. Some of your racial or discriminatory concepts are a bit whacked. For example, in the first one, they wouldn't have denied him access, but would have let him be SEATED, then wait for the right time to pick him apart about not being able to afford stuff. As in the first one, you have quite a few exaggerations, such as the submachinegunners in the restaurant in the prologue. Some of your dialogue is hard to understand (periods, commas in wrong place, I would assume).

However, it is better on the length side and a certain improvement.

6, X9 (Section Moderator)
Date: Aug 28, 2007
Time: 12:50 AM
 
Dear mranderson,

Definately an improvement. A marked improvement. The first scene with the girl could've been more improved with less emotional exaggerations and further descriptions, IMHO, and the battle was actually bettter than I expected by a little bit, although it requires a substantial amount of work, in my opinion. Great job, and keep it up! =]

~good~

Cheers,

X9, Fan Fiction Moderator

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