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War Heroes
Alone on an unknown planet. A small group of men [and women] fight to find friendly faces, whilst avoiding death. Enjoy! -PT32

1. War Heroes: Chapter 1
2. War Heroes: Chapter 2
3. War Heroes: Chapter 3
4. War Heroes: Chapter 4
5. War Heroes: Chapter 5
6. War Heroes: Chapter 6


War Heroes: Chapter 2
Author: PT32
Comments: 2 (Watch for comments!, Add to favorites)
Views: 759

War Heroes

C H A P T E R 2 "The Search For Civilization"

Black. Speckled black. This was the view from Admiral Rupert Faustus's shipboard office. He looked up from his computer screen for a minute to admire it. Outside, little ships the size of rice grains dotted the sky. Exactly on time, they were called by the Admiral because of what he had read in his report. Rupert ran a hand through his short, gray hair and resumed reading the
message:
"Dear Admiral,
The training facility on Tellum IV has been compromised today. I don't know how, sir, but the Zerg got loose from the containment area at Camp Dillon and tore it apart. I have not heard from any of the other four camps, but I fear they may be overrun, too.
"These Zerg are unlike any of the smaller mindless forces we've seen. They seem to be organized in some fashion. It can't be Kerrigan, because we've had reports of her sighting in the Ortana Sector. That's across the Empire from here. Maybe they have some kind of leader...
"I don't need to tell you what could happen if they get off the planet, but it would be very bad. I request that you bring a fleet of ships, and demolish the planet, preferably in 96 hours. Thank you, sir."
A ragged sigh came from the old soldier. 'After all our troubles right now, why this?' he thought to himself. But there was no other solution. He knew it had to be done. After closing the lid of the computer, Faustus walked onto the bridge and gave the order: "Ensign, let's go."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The van was falling. Falling down into a broad ravine. The people inside were busy bracing for impact, hoping that maybe they would survive. A violent wrenching pitched the occupants in every conceivable direction as the old, tired vehicle made landfall. The transport bounced feebly a couple times, then collapsed into a jumbled heap on the ground.
Simon was the first to wake up. Moaning with pain, he tried to stand up. "Is anyone alive here?" he asked weakly. Around the wreck, various heads slowly popped up. Amazingly, only Bush had died. Not to say that no one was injured. Reggie had sustained a nasty gash on his left temple. Blood bathed that side of his face. Chris had bashed his face on the windshield, raking horrific scars across his head. Walker couldn't move his right leg, and Willis, one of the firebats, had broken his right arm. The instructor was the worst off. He had wrenched his back, and couldn't move either of his legs. As the others tried to get him up, he stopped them;
"No. Please. It hurts to move my back. Just---just leave me."
Reggie wouldn't hear of it."No way, man. We already lost Bush, we ain't going to lose you. Walker, you and Jenna stay here with Dyke and the Professor. The rest will go with me."
Walker spoke up. "Dyke is injured?"
"YES! I am, you IDIOT!!"
Jenna also had a question. "Me, and, and-uh, Mr. Can't-fire-straight-for-beans?"
Reggie looked away. "C'mon, guys. Let's stay team-like, so we can get out. Now, I managed to get a message off to some high-ranking admiral, and he should be sending some help. But we need to hang in there." He didn't tell them that Faustus was going to destroy Tellum IV, because then they would just despair even more. And it would take more than 96 hours for help to come. Keep a little optimism, he thought.
"Let's move out, then!" Travette declared.
Slowly the team picked their way out of the fallen van and trudged away. Behind them, the cliff loomed impossibly high. Nearly sixty feet up, one could discern the narrow break in the trees where the van had crashed through before plummeting down. Around them lay more trees, extending for miles in every direction, right up to the cliff. Reggie assembled everyone.
"All right, here's the deal. Travette, Willis, you're with me. We go," he pointed into the woods, "that way. Simon, Chris, and Lewis, there should be an opening in the cliff where the entrance to Camps Dillon and Mayhew is. Go find it. Return here in two hours. Get moving!" The teams took off. It would be an eventful day, indeed...
Inside the wreck, or as our heroes called it "Base Camp", the game being played was a waiting game. As Walker sweated nervously, Jenna untied her waistlong black hair and let it fall. Even though she had just finished her third term in the Institute, the attractive young lady knew a rookie when she saw one. "You okay?" she inquired offhandedly to Walker. He shook his head. "I've never had to guard wounded men, minutes away from being torn to shreds by scary aliens, working in a derelict, modified Siege Tank, with only a lovely she-ghost to keep me company." Jenna placed her hand on his shoulder. It jumped when she touched it. "Relax, Walker, help will be here soon. Besides, I could name way more than ten girls that are way hotter than me."
"Like who?"
"Like Diane Foxworth, her sister Rebecca, Angela Winsl--" Their discussion was cut short by a loud roar. Walker peeked out from the misshapen doorway, then jerked back rapidly as a needle spine whizzed past his cheek. "They're coming!"
Reggie led his men through the dense forest, in search for some break in its endless maze. He vaguely knew where the other two camps, Whins and Anthony were, but he didn't know how far away they were. Willis suddenly pointed ahead. "Look, that looks a lot like a camp!"
"Sure does," Reggie said. They ambled up to the doorway, which happened to be a large metal door stuck into a long, concrete wall. Reggie cleared his throat: "Anyone home? I'm Lieutenant Reginald Darrow, requesting immediate entrance clearance." When he didn't get an answer, he screamed "HEY! Let us in!" To this, he also got no answer.
"They must not be in there," Travette remarked. Reggie's walkie-talkie buzzed, "Reggie, it's Jenna. We're under attack, get us some help!"
Reggie clicked the talk button. "Hold on, we're a ways away, we'll be another 45 minutes."
"BUZZ--don't bother, we'll do our best...CRACKLE CRACKLE...to find a better base fast."
"Right." Reggie called the other two, then entered into his portable log notebook, "0530 hours: Found Camp Whins. Appears deserted. Looking for Camp Anthony." Then, he led them back into the forest.
Meanwhile, Simon and his men had found the break in the cliff wall. "Let's go," Simon called. The tunnel ahead was dark and creepy. A noise like a hiss echoed through the long cavern. Simon raised his rifle, then lowered it again when no creature followed the sound. There it was again, only louder. Simon froze: "That came from behind us!" He whirled around. Where was Lewis? Simon relaxed as the firebat clanged up the tunnel about thirty feet behind them. Then, he froze again. Lewis made so much noise that he hadn't noticed the pack of Zerglings closing in on him. "LEWIS!" Simon and Chris yelled. Lewis paused and stared quizzically at them. It was the last thing he ever did. Loud wails and sobs were tragically mingled with the blood flowing from his body. His two comrades poured round after round of lead into the bloodthirsty vampires' bodies, enraged by their friend's method of passing. Then, Chris yelled, "Behind us!"
Wall after wall of Zerg bodies piled up around the crash as Jenna and Walker attempted to keep the beasts at bay. Finally, the attackers ceased their fatal siege and drew away into the forest. "Why'd they quit?" Walker asked.
"No clue. But I hope they're gone for good." Jenna wiped her hands on her pants. The fabric material, sopped with sweat, had started to tear in places. "Oh, this is no good. What I wouldn't give for a better outfit!"
Walker wasn't listening. "Jenna, the Professor needs medical help fast."
"Well, what do we do?"
A grim look clouded Walker's face. "I don't know, but I think he's only got about an hour left, before his heart stops!"


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Other stories by this author:
1 War Heroes: Chapter 6 (Fiction)
2 War Heroes: Chapter 5 (Fiction)
3 War Heroes: Chapter 4 (Fiction)
4 Valuable Starcraft Lessons Ch.5 (Replays)
5 3+3=pawnage (Replays)
6 War Heroes: Chapter 3 (Fiction)
7 War Heroes: Chapter 1 (Fiction)
8 Another Starctaft story (Fiction)
9 Valuable Starcraft Lessons Ch.4 (Replays)
10 MAJOR PAYBACK!! [Sequel to I.S.D.F.A.W.H.] (Replays)
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1, deadfast
Date: May 05, 2008
Time: 11:13 AM
 
Hello again, PT32; didn't take you long to come out with this addition. Let's see what we have...

This one seems to have improved some over the first one. The use of "literal words for sound effects" as mentioned in my last review has been amended (theres a term for those type of words, but I can't remember it for the life of me now). Grammar was better this time around too, but it was still missing comma's in a few places, or simply had them in the wrong place. The vocabulary seems alittle odd in some areas ("...enraged by their friend's method of passing..." and the bit about referring to the zerg as vampires), but overall theres been progress.

The places where the point of view changes between the three groups is hazy at best and it's confusing when the setting and characters suddenly change in mid-paragraph. Try separating the pov's with some kind of text symbol ( a set of ****** and a new line seems to work well ).

The structure of the text still needs some work; Remember to start new lines when someone different speaks and when starting a new paragraph; this makes the read go alot smoother.

As said before, theres been improvement, but theres still room for more-so I give it the good.

2, mranderson
Date: May 13, 2008
Time: 02:58 AM
 
^^ Agree with what deadfast said.

But emphasize the lines, because it just makes it easier to read, like deadfast said (look at his work for examples)

Do you enjoy watching StarCraft games played between pros?
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Yes  - 73 votes (55%)
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I don't watch enough to be able to form an informed opinion, really
(35%, 46 votes)
I don't watch enough to be able to form an informed opinion, really - 46 votes (35%)