The Marine's Wish
Author: KillerSCV
Comments: 5 (Watch for comments!, Add to favorites)
Views: 496
My first fan fiction. In fact, it's the first thing I've posted on this site. :)
--------------------------------The Marine's Wish-------------------------------
-Prologue-
"What is that? That thing lying on the ground?" the boy asked
"It's a dead zergling. Long forgotten by the swarm." replied General Jukeer
"What's a zergling?"
"It's a zerg killer. They tear through entire cities with ease. They come in gigantic numbers that are impossible to count. They are controlled by the overmind and it's cerebrates."
"What's a cerebrate?"
"A minion of the overmind. They are controlled by the overmind. They control everything in the zerg swarm."
"What's the overmind?"
"Why are you so curious about this?"
"There are 1000 men lying dead on the ground who gave up their lives to fight for us. Soon... Soon there will be the twice the number of zerg. That is my wish. Forever and ever."
Chapter 1 - Training
8:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 7, 2053
"Wakey!! Wakey!!" yelled Officer Kolsen "Time to get your asses outta bed and into the Alpha Combat Simulator. LET'S GO!! MOVE IT!! MOVE IT!!" Everyone but one person ran to the Alpha Combat Simulator. His name was Adam Hazelton. A skilled marine. Although he always wanted to be a ghost, he never had the requirements to make the application. Officer Kolsen came up to Adam. His words struck cold in Adam's ear.
"Something wrong? Or are you just being an ass?" Adam replied "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just not feeling that good today... I feel hopeless... I'm treated like I don't exist here..." "You're gonna get to that simulator, you are going to pick up your gauss rifle and shoot those god damn zerglings. Got it Hazelton?" "Yes sir." Adam ran off in a quick rush. He didn't like the pressure of Officer Kolsen on him.
8:06am
Regulas Alpha Combat Simulator
May 7, 2053
"Come on! 8 more damn Hydralisks and I'm gonna be done killing these stupid things. Soon I can take on those Ultralisks on level 9. Yeah!" Adam was quite the marksman. He could pick off a speeding zergling from half a mile away. Although the officers didn't notice his excellence, he felt proud of himself. He was a Marine. Better than most of the other marines, I would say. But everyone else treated like he didn't even exist. "Hey Adam!" Peter shouted. "Hey Peter!" Adam shouted back.
His friend, Peter Fregley, was a ghost. He was an expert at stealth. He could come up to a zergling and pick his head off before he knew what hit him. Although he was a ghost, for some reason, Adam just would always know where he is. He could just sense him there....
"Adam! Peter! How are ya guys doing today!" Jessica shouted. "Ahhhh.... not much. Same old. Same old." Adam replied. Their other friend, Jessica Heffley, was also a ghost. She was very clever and would always know what to do at the right time. Armed with a C-10 Canister Rifle, she was a very deadly and cunning person.
9:32am
Regulas Dining Hall
May 7, 2053
"Same old holographic porridge, same old holographic salad, same old holographic liver. I'm sick of this stuff." Adam said as the walked across the dining hall. "I hate this stuff..." Said Peter as he sat at Adam's the table. "Damn. Those mutalisks on level 11 are hard."Said Adam. "Yeah, you said it!" Said Peter as he took a bite into his liver. "I don't know how you can eat that stuff... it's disgusting..." said Adam. "What else is there to eat?" "Yeah. I guess you're right" replied Adam.
"Hey guys!" Shouted Jessica from across the room. "Hey Jessica! How ya doing?" Shouted Adam. "Just splitting the atoms of decomposition and pulverizing the trifical elements of subzero atrificialally feudalise universe." Adam and Peter looked at her like she had spoken in Latin. "O.K. there Jess?" "Yeah, I'm fine. Just... four days from now, there's supposed to be a war. A big war. Us against the zerg swarm... I just... hope we live..." Jessica stambled to her seat in the dining hall.
Chapter 2 - First War
10:56am
Regulas Training Facility
May 11, 2053
"Come on guys! Prepare yourself for the war! Grab your Gauss Rifles! Ghosts, Get your C-10 Canister Rifles!" We're going to win that damn war! We're gonna kill tose zerg!" Officer Kolsen commanded "Yes Sir!" And the Regulas Army went off to the battlefield. This is the fight for freedom.
11:30am
Cliffs of Annihilation
May 11, 2053
"C'MON!! C'MON!! KILL THOSE ZERGLINGS!! KILL THEM!!!" Everyone's heart's were pumping as they picked off zerglings and hydralisks from afar. They were in the middle of a huge war. Lead bullets were flying everywhere as they charged at the zerglings and hydralisks. Firebats and Marines killed a huge number of the zerg. The ghosts sneaked behind the zerg. There wasn't a spore colony in sight. "C'mon Peter! Help me take out these zerglings!!" Adam yelled. "I'm kinda occupied!! Hydralisks!!" Peter yelled back. "Adam! You have some zerglings headed your way!"
The fleet of wraiths and battle cruisers finally came in and put an end to the war. They killed almost all of the zerg when suddenly, a massive wave of scrouges came in and took out most of the terran fleet. Just then, the scrouges were defenceless and the marines and ghosts took them out easily. Adam took out maybe 7 or 8 scrouges. Not bad for a marine! Peter took out almost 15 scrouges. He REALLY kicked ass!
Then, what to expect but none other than.... Siege Tanks! The Siege Tanks took out the zerglings and hydralisks like nothing, with marines and ghosts behind them for close cover. They wiped out about half the zerg army. But then, just then, 9 or 10 ultralisks come in and just destroy the tanks. Luckily, the marines and ghosts shot them and there were only about 5 or 6 tanks destroyed. The war is almost over. Those ghosts. nuked the battle field. Put an explosive end to the war. Nothing is left but piles of rubble and a gigantic lake of blood and dead bodies.
"Oh my.. Peter! Are you O.K.?" He stuttered."No... I'm just wounded. Ugh... my arm... My bloody arm! Damnit.." "I-I-I`ll get you to the Medical Facility" Adam struggled to lift up Peter. Officer Kolsen saw them and offered to help them out. They got him to base safely. Not encountering a single zergling or hydralisk.
4:17pm
Regulas Medical Facility
May 11, 2053
Adam knocked on the medical room door. "Officer Kolsen?" "Yes come in." Officer Kolsen replied. "Is Peter alright?" Adam asked. "He`s just wounded. Don't worry, he'll be fine." Officer Kolsen said in a rather releived voice, more soft and a lot less commanding voice he usually uses. "THANK GOD!" Adam exclaimed. "Adam... Thank God you're here." Peter said quietly. "Best friends." Adam said quietly. "Friends to the end." Peter said.
Over a course of six days, Peter's arm healed comepletely.
Chapter 3 - Dreams
11:38pm
Regulas Training Facility
May 17, 2053
"No... noo... Peter... God... damn... it... help... Jessica... help... me.... ahhhh.... damn.... it...." "Uhhh.... Peter!" Adam shook Peter's arm. "What? What do you want? It's the middle of the night!" "I had the most horrible dream." Adam explained.
"What? What?" Peter was confused. "So many zerg. They killed us all. I don't know why. All I know is we all died. Then, I revived, only to be ran over by a damn steam roller. Then I woke up." "Wow... that sucks. Especially the part with the steam roller. Ha ha ha ha."
8:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 18, 2053
"WAKE UP PEOPLE!!" Officer Kolsen barked out commands as everyone formed into a division. "Time for combat training! Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it!!!" They grabbed their Gauss rifles and headed out as they all murmered as they shuffled to the combat simulator. Adam, once again, was the last one out. He didn't feel like killing zerg today, so he camped out in the bathroom for an hour and a half.
10:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 18, 2053
"AUGHHH! Oh.... Hey Peter, thought you were an officer. I'd be like "Holy crap!" "Yeah, I'm not that ugly. What're you doing in here anyways?" Peter asked in a rather motherly tone of voice. "Camping out so I don't have to train." "Well... combat training was over about half a hour ago." "Why are you in then?" "They same reason any other person would be." "To camp out?" "Wow... I can see why you had to retake the test four times. I'm in here to take a piss you moron." Peter and Adam laughed.
Chapter 4 - Tag Team
11:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 19, 2053
Peter ran into the room screaming at the top of his lungs. "HEY!! HAVE YOU HEARD? WE JUST MERGED ALLIANCES WITH THE ALKHEAZARIAN PROTOSS CONFEDERACY!!! WHOO HOO" "THAT'S GREAT!!!! WHOOOO" Adam yelled. "YEAH!! I KNOW EH? WHOOO HOOO HOOO HOOO" Peter yelled in a really crazy voice. "What the hell are you guys yelling about?" Jessica shouted in a curious tone. "We merged alliances with the Alkheazarian Protoss Confederation!" "Sweet!" Jessica said, in a rather calm voice. Peter and Adam jumped with joy. "Looks like it'll take about two hours to get to Alkheazar." Jessica stated as she looked at the interplanetary map.
"Attention! Attention! The Dropships leaving for Alkheazar will be leaving in 5 minutes. Launching at Gate Three. I repeat. The Dropships leaving for Alkheazar will be leaving in five minutes. Launching at Gate Three." And with that, the P.A. system turned off and Adam, Jessica and Peter ran off to Gate Three.
11:15am
Gate Three
May 19, 2053
"Oh man this is going to be SO fun!" Jessica exclaimed. "We're going to Alkheazar! Whoo hoo!" Peter added. "Turns out we're going there to.... Oh my..." "What?" Jessica asked. "We're not going there for a vacation. Were going there to help fight the zerg." Adam replied. "God damnit!" Peter shouted.
Chapter 5 - Adam's Wish
1:15pm
Alkheazar
May 19, 2053
"DIE! YOU DAMN ZERGLINGS." Peter yelled. "Here, send a nuke. Kill them." Peter said as he handed his nuke controller to Adam. "O.K. Why?" "So you can nuke them!" Adam, now with Peter's nuke controller, was ready to nuke the zerg.
BOOM
"General Jukeer..... My wish is now fulfilled."
The End
--------------------------------The Marine's Wish-------------------------------
-Prologue-
"What is that? That thing lying on the ground?" the boy asked
"It's a dead zergling. Long forgotten by the swarm." replied General Jukeer
"What's a zergling?"
"It's a zerg killer. They tear through entire cities with ease. They come in gigantic numbers that are impossible to count. They are controlled by the overmind and it's cerebrates."
"What's a cerebrate?"
"A minion of the overmind. They are controlled by the overmind. They control everything in the zerg swarm."
"What's the overmind?"
"Why are you so curious about this?"
"There are 1000 men lying dead on the ground who gave up their lives to fight for us. Soon... Soon there will be the twice the number of zerg. That is my wish. Forever and ever."
Chapter 1 - Training
8:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 7, 2053
"Wakey!! Wakey!!" yelled Officer Kolsen "Time to get your asses outta bed and into the Alpha Combat Simulator. LET'S GO!! MOVE IT!! MOVE IT!!" Everyone but one person ran to the Alpha Combat Simulator. His name was Adam Hazelton. A skilled marine. Although he always wanted to be a ghost, he never had the requirements to make the application. Officer Kolsen came up to Adam. His words struck cold in Adam's ear.
"Something wrong? Or are you just being an ass?" Adam replied "I'm sorry, I guess I'm just not feeling that good today... I feel hopeless... I'm treated like I don't exist here..." "You're gonna get to that simulator, you are going to pick up your gauss rifle and shoot those god damn zerglings. Got it Hazelton?" "Yes sir." Adam ran off in a quick rush. He didn't like the pressure of Officer Kolsen on him.
8:06am
Regulas Alpha Combat Simulator
May 7, 2053
"Come on! 8 more damn Hydralisks and I'm gonna be done killing these stupid things. Soon I can take on those Ultralisks on level 9. Yeah!" Adam was quite the marksman. He could pick off a speeding zergling from half a mile away. Although the officers didn't notice his excellence, he felt proud of himself. He was a Marine. Better than most of the other marines, I would say. But everyone else treated like he didn't even exist. "Hey Adam!" Peter shouted. "Hey Peter!" Adam shouted back.
His friend, Peter Fregley, was a ghost. He was an expert at stealth. He could come up to a zergling and pick his head off before he knew what hit him. Although he was a ghost, for some reason, Adam just would always know where he is. He could just sense him there....
"Adam! Peter! How are ya guys doing today!" Jessica shouted. "Ahhhh.... not much. Same old. Same old." Adam replied. Their other friend, Jessica Heffley, was also a ghost. She was very clever and would always know what to do at the right time. Armed with a C-10 Canister Rifle, she was a very deadly and cunning person.
9:32am
Regulas Dining Hall
May 7, 2053
"Same old holographic porridge, same old holographic salad, same old holographic liver. I'm sick of this stuff." Adam said as the walked across the dining hall. "I hate this stuff..." Said Peter as he sat at Adam's the table. "Damn. Those mutalisks on level 11 are hard."Said Adam. "Yeah, you said it!" Said Peter as he took a bite into his liver. "I don't know how you can eat that stuff... it's disgusting..." said Adam. "What else is there to eat?" "Yeah. I guess you're right" replied Adam.
"Hey guys!" Shouted Jessica from across the room. "Hey Jessica! How ya doing?" Shouted Adam. "Just splitting the atoms of decomposition and pulverizing the trifical elements of subzero atrificialally feudalise universe." Adam and Peter looked at her like she had spoken in Latin. "O.K. there Jess?" "Yeah, I'm fine. Just... four days from now, there's supposed to be a war. A big war. Us against the zerg swarm... I just... hope we live..." Jessica stambled to her seat in the dining hall.
Chapter 2 - First War
10:56am
Regulas Training Facility
May 11, 2053
"Come on guys! Prepare yourself for the war! Grab your Gauss Rifles! Ghosts, Get your C-10 Canister Rifles!" We're going to win that damn war! We're gonna kill tose zerg!" Officer Kolsen commanded "Yes Sir!" And the Regulas Army went off to the battlefield. This is the fight for freedom.
11:30am
Cliffs of Annihilation
May 11, 2053
"C'MON!! C'MON!! KILL THOSE ZERGLINGS!! KILL THEM!!!" Everyone's heart's were pumping as they picked off zerglings and hydralisks from afar. They were in the middle of a huge war. Lead bullets were flying everywhere as they charged at the zerglings and hydralisks. Firebats and Marines killed a huge number of the zerg. The ghosts sneaked behind the zerg. There wasn't a spore colony in sight. "C'mon Peter! Help me take out these zerglings!!" Adam yelled. "I'm kinda occupied!! Hydralisks!!" Peter yelled back. "Adam! You have some zerglings headed your way!"
The fleet of wraiths and battle cruisers finally came in and put an end to the war. They killed almost all of the zerg when suddenly, a massive wave of scrouges came in and took out most of the terran fleet. Just then, the scrouges were defenceless and the marines and ghosts took them out easily. Adam took out maybe 7 or 8 scrouges. Not bad for a marine! Peter took out almost 15 scrouges. He REALLY kicked ass!
Then, what to expect but none other than.... Siege Tanks! The Siege Tanks took out the zerglings and hydralisks like nothing, with marines and ghosts behind them for close cover. They wiped out about half the zerg army. But then, just then, 9 or 10 ultralisks come in and just destroy the tanks. Luckily, the marines and ghosts shot them and there were only about 5 or 6 tanks destroyed. The war is almost over. Those ghosts. nuked the battle field. Put an explosive end to the war. Nothing is left but piles of rubble and a gigantic lake of blood and dead bodies.
"Oh my.. Peter! Are you O.K.?" He stuttered."No... I'm just wounded. Ugh... my arm... My bloody arm! Damnit.." "I-I-I`ll get you to the Medical Facility" Adam struggled to lift up Peter. Officer Kolsen saw them and offered to help them out. They got him to base safely. Not encountering a single zergling or hydralisk.
4:17pm
Regulas Medical Facility
May 11, 2053
Adam knocked on the medical room door. "Officer Kolsen?" "Yes come in." Officer Kolsen replied. "Is Peter alright?" Adam asked. "He`s just wounded. Don't worry, he'll be fine." Officer Kolsen said in a rather releived voice, more soft and a lot less commanding voice he usually uses. "THANK GOD!" Adam exclaimed. "Adam... Thank God you're here." Peter said quietly. "Best friends." Adam said quietly. "Friends to the end." Peter said.
Over a course of six days, Peter's arm healed comepletely.
Chapter 3 - Dreams
11:38pm
Regulas Training Facility
May 17, 2053
"No... noo... Peter... God... damn... it... help... Jessica... help... me.... ahhhh.... damn.... it...." "Uhhh.... Peter!" Adam shook Peter's arm. "What? What do you want? It's the middle of the night!" "I had the most horrible dream." Adam explained.
"What? What?" Peter was confused. "So many zerg. They killed us all. I don't know why. All I know is we all died. Then, I revived, only to be ran over by a damn steam roller. Then I woke up." "Wow... that sucks. Especially the part with the steam roller. Ha ha ha ha."
8:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 18, 2053
"WAKE UP PEOPLE!!" Officer Kolsen barked out commands as everyone formed into a division. "Time for combat training! Let's go! Move it! Move it! Move it!!!" They grabbed their Gauss rifles and headed out as they all murmered as they shuffled to the combat simulator. Adam, once again, was the last one out. He didn't feel like killing zerg today, so he camped out in the bathroom for an hour and a half.
10:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 18, 2053
"AUGHHH! Oh.... Hey Peter, thought you were an officer. I'd be like "Holy crap!" "Yeah, I'm not that ugly. What're you doing in here anyways?" Peter asked in a rather motherly tone of voice. "Camping out so I don't have to train." "Well... combat training was over about half a hour ago." "Why are you in then?" "They same reason any other person would be." "To camp out?" "Wow... I can see why you had to retake the test four times. I'm in here to take a piss you moron." Peter and Adam laughed.
Chapter 4 - Tag Team
11:00am
Regulas Training Facility
May 19, 2053
Peter ran into the room screaming at the top of his lungs. "HEY!! HAVE YOU HEARD? WE JUST MERGED ALLIANCES WITH THE ALKHEAZARIAN PROTOSS CONFEDERACY!!! WHOO HOO" "THAT'S GREAT!!!! WHOOOO" Adam yelled. "YEAH!! I KNOW EH? WHOOO HOOO HOOO HOOO" Peter yelled in a really crazy voice. "What the hell are you guys yelling about?" Jessica shouted in a curious tone. "We merged alliances with the Alkheazarian Protoss Confederation!" "Sweet!" Jessica said, in a rather calm voice. Peter and Adam jumped with joy. "Looks like it'll take about two hours to get to Alkheazar." Jessica stated as she looked at the interplanetary map.
"Attention! Attention! The Dropships leaving for Alkheazar will be leaving in 5 minutes. Launching at Gate Three. I repeat. The Dropships leaving for Alkheazar will be leaving in five minutes. Launching at Gate Three." And with that, the P.A. system turned off and Adam, Jessica and Peter ran off to Gate Three.
11:15am
Gate Three
May 19, 2053
"Oh man this is going to be SO fun!" Jessica exclaimed. "We're going to Alkheazar! Whoo hoo!" Peter added. "Turns out we're going there to.... Oh my..." "What?" Jessica asked. "We're not going there for a vacation. Were going there to help fight the zerg." Adam replied. "God damnit!" Peter shouted.
Chapter 5 - Adam's Wish
1:15pm
Alkheazar
May 19, 2053
"DIE! YOU DAMN ZERGLINGS." Peter yelled. "Here, send a nuke. Kill them." Peter said as he handed his nuke controller to Adam. "O.K. Why?" "So you can nuke them!" Adam, now with Peter's nuke controller, was ready to nuke the zerg.
BOOM
"General Jukeer..... My wish is now fulfilled."
The End
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Out of 5 voters, most think this story is Average!
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| 1, PT32 | |||||||
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hmmm... not bad for your first one, but it still lacks something... The plot was pretty good, about fighting in a war and all. I like how each unit got countered by a new one, shows creativeness. However... The first "fixable" thing I noticed was the grammer. Not to sound cold and heartless, but your grammer appalled me. Major work needed there. Also, I was struck by the incredible amount of swearing and cursing you used. Man, I'm used to a little garbage here and there, but this is simply shocking. To me. I never heard any Starcraft unit use so much language in a single sentence [not that they didn't swear at all...]. Cut way back on that potty mouth before you offend someone, please. But enough criticism. You did well for your first try, but there's always room for improvement. I make mistakes, too. Don't get down on yourself. Keep trying, and don't be surprised if you make the popular fiction list. I'll be waiting for you next one! [) |T32 |
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| 2, Batchelor | |||||||
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Yeah, its good to see people getting into writing. Not much to say here, simplistic story, bad grammar, cliche (I think I've used that word so much that it has come to describe itself...) concept. Big big thing: The dialog was confusing and all over the place, the style it was presented in was also inconsistent. I couldn't imagine soldiers talking like that. It just felt wrong. As for cursing, swear away! Just don't overdo it, because it'll lose a lot of impact. Like PT32 said, for a first try its a lot better than most of the stuff out there. The most important thing is that you listen to your critics, and evolve. DO NOT be scared away by criticism. Keep trying. |
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| 3, exosion | |||||||
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Im sorry but im going to have to agree with the other 2 people but its a good start....unless this isnt your first peice..then....uhhh...keep working on your writing. maybe check some of the popular fan fiction for tips on writing and keeping a consistant story -Exosion The Chaos Preist |
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| 4, Ihatezerg | |||||||
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:/ this was pretty shoddy i dont understand his wish, that was really vague. the grammar and spelling was sub-par throughout. some of it was just silly - 'Nothing is left but piles of rubble and a gigantic lake of blood and dead bodies' - thats gotta be a joke, right? the story was really predictable. overall, i think even though its nice that people are getting into writing, this is pretty bad |
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| 5, Gonissa | |||||||
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It was kinda choppy, to be honest. What was the point of the dates? Are these journal entries or something? | ||||||
