Batchelor
Starcraft.org User
Send a message to Batchelor.
The following are documents submitted by this user:
| # | Document | Channel |
| 1 | Back in the Day | Fiction |
| 2 | Bishop's Flight: Laws of Salvage | Fiction |
| 3 | I Have Seen | Fiction |
| 4 | Karmic Retribution | Fiction |
| 5 | The Silencer | Fiction |
| 6 | The Silencer (pt2) | Fiction |
| 7 | The Silencer (pt3) | Fiction |
The following are comments posted by this user:
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#1. Posted on June 03, 2008 06:28 PM. So... I totally missed this. Funny how its not out with the rest of the fanfic yet. Got a good. Way too short. You could have easily shoehorned this in with the prologue. I'm not in my literary criticism mode right now, so forgive my concise nature. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#2. Posted on June 03, 2008 06:19 PM. A quick tip for people who write comedy: When you finish one, let it sit for a while. If it's still funny when you come back in a few days, than fire it out there. Such was not the case with this piece. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#3. Posted on May 25, 2008 02:06 PM. Checking up on my stuff, eh? I'm actually in agreeance with most of the negative points here. This was my first submitted story. I consider it cringe worthy. It has numerous cliches, laughable characters, technically messed up dialog, a poor sense of scale, etc. I could go on and on. I no longer see this as a representation of my writing skills. The last serious story I put up was "Bishops Flight", which in many ways I feel is actually much worse than this. In regards to your 3 m ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#4. Posted on May 22, 2008 11:45 AM. More of the same really. I Laughed a few times. Personally, I think you should stop at #2. Anything else would be dragging the premise in the dirt. Got a good from me. Minus points for basically doing the same thing over again. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#5. Posted on May 22, 2008 11:39 AM. Coming from you, thats high praise indeed. Eh.To each his own. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#6. Posted on May 19, 2008 01:45 PM. I have another comedy wrapped up and ready to go, but I probably won't fire it off for a week or so. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#7. Posted on May 18, 2008 05:18 PM. Damn. Now I'm going to have to set aside a couple of hours and read this whole series. I saw this on the top of both the new fiction and popular fiction lists, but for some strange reason I never followed the link. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#8. Posted on May 18, 2008 10:24 AM. Finally got let in I guess. Wrote this on a total whim in about an hour. It was funny at the time. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#9. Posted on May 13, 2008 01:57 PM. Yeah, its good to see people getting into writing. Not much to say here, simplistic story, bad grammar, cliche (I think I've used that word so much that it has come to describe itself...) concept. Big big thing: The dialog was confusing and all over the place, the style it was presented in was also inconsistent. I couldn't imagine soldiers talking like that. It just felt wrong. As for cursing, swear away! Just don't overdo it, because it'll lose a lot of impact. Like PT32 said, for a firs ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#10. Posted on May 13, 2008 01:44 PM. Its a decent story, if a bit cliche (but what isn't these days?). The major thing here is poor grammar. There are run on sentences, some confusing word usage and some misused words (the most common of which is mixing up there/their/they're). Take the second sentence: "Max smiled around the smoldering stub of a cigar and tossed in three cigarettes into the small pile of smokes that was ever growing in between the three men and two women hunkered down between there bunks." This is ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#11. Posted on May 11, 2008 08:56 AM. Its nice to see this still getting the odd comment. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#12. Posted on May 11, 2008 08:52 AM. See, the problem with that, is todays average shmoe isn't much inclined to read anything, especially in our little corner of the net. Fan fiction sort of has a "nerdy" vibe to it that repels most people, even other starcraft fans. Fan fiction gets its bad rep because: 1.All of those sonic/mario/anime gay sex crossovers (among other insane concepts) that plague our existence. 2.Not creating your own universe make "legitimate" writers scoff at fan fic writers. 3. Unfortun ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#13. Posted on May 08, 2008 12:20 PM. Don't worry about that. This section is in a serious coma. I remember when I first posted a story here (not that long ago) it got 1000+ views and 10+ comments, which is relatively impressive. Now a guy is lucky if he gets over a hundred views and one comment. As regards to the story, it's very good. The last thing you should do is be ashamed. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#14. Posted on April 01, 2008 01:57 PM. ^^^ I agree with mranderson. The use of game like mechanics in a story really dulls the enjoyment. Its like reading an actual game of starcraft, but with characters. Subtract that, and it would be an exceptional in my eyes. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#15. Posted on March 29, 2008 07:46 PM. This comment contains major spoilers, so if anyone hasn't read the story, than I would strongly suggest that skip it. Very good, very good indeed. +Liked they portrayal of ghosts as egotistical perfectionists. +Combat mechanics were pretty good. Had just the right amount of description. +Good flow of events, always something interesting happening. -Rapid perspective changes (esp. when we are with the prisoners) can be awfully confusing at times. -Occasional clunky sentence. -Plot ha ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#16. Posted on March 29, 2008 06:52 PM. Very minor gripes aside (IE use of the term "micro-ing"  , this is a very clear cut exceptional. The banter between Jim and Soren was well done. Another plus was that the story wasn't pretentious and full of itself like half of the serious stuff on this site.
It really deserves more attention than it's currently getting.
BTW, is anyone else getting a discrepancy between the number of comments indicated and the number of comments shown?
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#17. Posted on March 26, 2008 07:13 PM. Probably my 4th or 5th time reading it. To me, it just stresses the need to update the elite section. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#18. Posted on December 27, 2007 04:20 PM. A gigantic thanks to you fine gentlemen. I had another similar piece about a pithy, cynical, alcoholic ghost, but it appears to have wandered off into the abyss of my hard drive. Probably going to go off into the abyss for a while myself. Fiction seems like a bloody graveyard at the moment. Hoping things pick up in the new year. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#19. Posted on December 27, 2007 04:11 PM. Damn that was a fine read. The imagery was vivid, and I am intrigued by the character of Paul. However there are a few minor rough spots in the longer paragraphs towards the end. An awkward phrase here, an unclear meaning there. For instance when you wrote: "he was short on any kind of medical supplies meant for addressing limbs used to bash heads in." it took me two reads to get what you meant. It's just a bit cumbersome. Like I said, minor stuff like that. You've got m ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#20. Posted on December 03, 2007 05:48 PM. Submissions such as this are inevitable come Christmas time. Expect more. Many more. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#21. Posted on November 26, 2007 03:04 PM. I too have vague memories of this being you refer to as "RyeMcCory". As for the story, I liked it. Much the same as Mr. 98, I enjoyed Packard's "detached interest". Packard has 20/5 vision? Holy cats! ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#22. Posted on November 26, 2007 12:11 PM. Hey! You guys are allright! Haven't been here for a while, I do hope I haven't missed anything. Thing is I was getting a bit tired of dead serious stories, so I decided to dust off the ol' sense of humor and write something ridiculous. For those of you who are fairly well read, this was highly influenced by the comedic styles of Stephen Leacock and Douglas Adams. 42 FTW. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#23. Posted on November 24, 2007 08:04 AM. /random How y'all doing? I'm sure you all have the upstanding character which allows you to vote and comment. If you don't find it funny, I have a feeling you'll let me know. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#24. Posted on August 11, 2007 08:22 AM. DoctorOctopus: What! I never said this wasn't book quality! Where the hell did you infer that from!? I said something about long paragraphs being fine in a book, but not on a website that fries your retinas when you read it for too long! ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#25. Posted on August 11, 2007 08:17 AM. You could try submitting something to a SF magazine... the biggest two are Analog and Asimov's. I don't know how they deal with submissions from across the pond though... and they only accept physical manuscripts. www.analogsf.com www.asimovs.com Alternativly, you could try self publishing through: www.lulu.com Give them a gander, that is, if you haven't already. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#26. Posted on August 10, 2007 06:39 PM. My eyes are pretty much scorched after reading through all that. It was worth it though. Minor gripe: Some of your paragraphs are a shade long, making them hard to read. If it was a paper book, it would be fine, but not a website. Feels weird giving criticism (no matter how minor) to a section moderator... ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#27. Posted on August 10, 2007 11:47 AM. Tom... are you by chance a published author? Because if not, your material is of more than sufficient quality to make it into print. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#28. Posted on July 14, 2007 10:44 AM. Right... look for part 2 next weekend (Thats a very big maybe) That is, provided there is some form of sentient life browsing the fiction section, which doesn't seem to be the case at the moment. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#29. Posted on July 11, 2007 12:55 PM. I must say... this is odd. The quality fluctuates between very good, and mediocre. At some points, I had no idea what was going on. I'll refrain from voting, as my opinion of this story is wildly mixed. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#30. Posted on July 10, 2007 11:35 AM. And there you go Tom... the power of the non-idiots has placed your story's rating at what it should be! There is Justice in the world after all. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#31. Posted on July 10, 2007 11:30 AM. Wow! Thanks a lot guys! It's a shame that the fiction section is dead at the moment. @Tom- Really, an Exceptional from you means a lot. I'm perfectly willing to accept grammar correction... if it were given to me. Horton gave me a few pointers (Big thanks to him for letting this through), but I didn't implement them due to laziness. So I guess I just contradicted myself there. I'll try to fix any major grammatical issues in the next part(whenever that may be). @Clone98- I ravaged my brain, ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#32. Posted on July 07, 2007 09:08 AM. I wrote this in an older version of Microsoft word. If you're talking about automatic grammar correction, I often turn it off. It just makes the situation much much worse. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#33. Posted on July 06, 2007 04:35 PM. Grammar was never my strong point. Seriously, If its legible, then its good. Its not as if crappy grammar is physically impeding you from reading a story. Perhaps you could point out a few bad areas to me, so as I can tweak them a bit? ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#34. Posted on July 06, 2007 06:42 AM. Hmm... appears to me that fanfic is going through another dead zone. Only 4 comments (5 now) and 147 views on a piece like this? It really is a crying shame. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#35. Posted on July 06, 2007 06:33 AM. Alright, I'll just say a few things. And yes, this is supposed to be part of a potential series. I was extremely apprehensive about posting this, because I'm really not 100% satisfied with it. I've had a massive case of writers block for a long while, and everything I write turns out as complete garbage (And I mean It really, really sucks). This has been this first thing I've churned out that I was even a shred happy with. So vote/comment and let me know what you think. If the response ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#36. Posted on July 05, 2007 07:10 AM. Methinks you have an enemy. Or some jealous jackass who wishes he could write half as good as you. Exceptional as always. Caught the Starship Troopers reference. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#37. Posted on June 17, 2007 10:50 AM. It's good, even if it's a bit on the short side. Grammar is a bit wonky but it really didn't make a difference. I'm not a huge fan of first person stories... ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#38. Posted on June 17, 2007 10:37 AM. Nah... the sites not dead, its just that fan fiction isn't wildly popular. Activity comes in waves. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#39. Posted on June 08, 2007 01:31 PM. What can I say? Exceptional ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#40. Posted on May 27, 2007 08:19 AM. Holy hell! haven't checked back on this for a while! Its nice to get some real criticism, and I really do appreciate it. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#41. Posted on May 26, 2007 08:30 AM. Exceptional! But Shadow's wraith sure did have a lot of ammunition.... ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#42. Posted on April 22, 2007 04:09 PM. Anytime someone puts religion in a work it's just... wierd. I prefer to leave the subject alone. Good story though. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#43. Posted on March 31, 2007 07:38 AM. Its about time you wrote a sequel! Liked the first two... liked this one. Where did you get that gut trench thing? I know the SAS do something like that, at least they used too... not sure about now. The chatter of your military units is very convincing, though I found enviromental descriptions a bit lacking. But, truthfully that didn't detract from the story in the least. It seems a few people have a problem with cursing in stories. Its realistic, because you're not going to have a dri ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#44. Posted on March 17, 2007 10:37 AM. Heh... been away for a few days and only 1 new comment! C'MON PEOPLE... GIVE ME YOUR INPUT. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#45. Posted on March 17, 2007 10:30 AM. I agree with most of the things Geckat said, and hey, practice makes perfect. I'm Canadian/Latvian and I manage to use American spellings, sinse it seems the vast majority of people on this site are from the US of A. Correct me if I'm wrong. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#46. Posted on March 07, 2007 03:05 PM. I wrote a review... then lost it after I had discovered my session had timed out (was logged in... then wasn't). So heres my second attempt. I tried to be as honest as I could. The Good: Characters were well developed for a short story, and the story itself was interesting, if not original (But what is these days, eh?). Your writing style reminds me of an author named Harry Turtledove. Never heard of him? Well, take it as a compliment. The Bad: The setting screamed "generic", it ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#47. Posted on March 05, 2007 05:36 PM. Clone98: Whoa man... you're seeing angles I never even thought of... Honestly I DID rush it. I just wanted to finish the damn series as my interest in it was fading, so rather a sort of rushed narrative than no narrative at all. I started writing it almost immedialtly after part 2, then left it for a few days. So you might say I was "Out of the groove" As for Brian being a cool character... I really don't know where else I could have taken him... So I went with the good 'ol "cha ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#48. Posted on February 19, 2007 12:43 PM. I like it! Im interested in seeing what this develops into... However, the measurment thing does not really work. It just seems really awkward. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#49. Posted on February 19, 2007 12:35 PM. boyohboy: lol, yeah... you nailed it. To be perfectly honest, I wasn't completetly satisfied after writing this one. Brian did seem almost emo didn't he? Not in the least intentional. In the final installment, I'm balancing Brian out. I will offer good explainations for his powerful abilities. The military had only a general idea where Brian was: the city of New Hollywood. They did not know his specific location until they were told by Michaelis. As for the abandoned houses... he only " ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#50. Posted on February 18, 2007 08:34 AM. The choppy sentences are intentional. It fits the tone and style of the story, don't you think? As for commas... I have a nasty habit of over using them, so I decided to take a few out where they did not seem suitable. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#51. Posted on February 17, 2007 08:35 PM. More issues regarding Brian's recruitment are revealed in part 2 which, incidentally, is also a fair bit longer. I love this site, the response to my writing has been higher than expected. I think I'll stay for a while. THANK YOU ALL ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#52. Posted on February 17, 2007 10:15 AM. Hmmm... Why do my stories lose all indentation when I post them? Whats going on? ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#53. Posted on February 16, 2007 03:47 PM. Yeah... my stuff is a little cliche. But the starcraft canon is a wee bit limited in scope, don't you folks think? I'm just noticing the tacked on dialogue thing too. I guess I did literally sometimes tack little bits of speech on. My bad. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#54. Posted on February 16, 2007 03:41 PM. Clone98: Hey! I read books for fun too! Funny how thats classed as weird in todays society... BTW, when Brian was in the stairwell, there was too much light. The girls would have spotted him regardless of whether he was invisible or not, so he opted not to cloak while in the stairwell. he cloaked upon exiting into the hallway. PS. Ever read any George Orwell? How about H.G. Wells? ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#55. Posted on February 16, 2007 01:52 PM. I like it. Good characters, good Action, good everything. It was occasionally difficult to tell who was speaking, but thats an exceedingly minor issue. Methinks EXCEPTIONAL ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#56. Posted on February 16, 2007 01:46 PM. boyohboy: Origonality is the most difficult thing about writing. Anyway, part 2 has been submitted. *BLATANT SELF PROMOTION* In the mean time, why not read my other story, "I Have Seen"? *END OF BLATANT SELF PROMOTION* ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#57. Posted on February 15, 2007 07:02 PM. Clone98: You flatter me! As for your questions: Improvisation (In planning and execution) is a skill taught to many special forces operators. As for the hallway, Brian was cloaked. I should probably have indicated this much more strongly. My bad. boyohboy: I'm not trying to redefine genres here. I'm just telling a story, cliched as it may be. I appreciate your input. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#58. Posted on February 15, 2007 04:35 AM. adad64, You might be surprised to know that I actually cut down on the swearing from the origional. I think what remains in there sort of defines Brian as a character. Anyway, part 2 (of a projected 3 part series) is on the way. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#59. Posted on February 09, 2007 04:10 PM. Hell, I hate to comment on my own story. Theres something bugging me : I used the exact same description twice. When you read it you'll know what it is. It just bugs the hell out of me. Sorry, just had to say it. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#60. Posted on February 08, 2007 06:09 PM. Pretty cool. I have a few critisms though, nothing major, mere nitpicks really. 1- Why would Packard shoot the rock, and the flag? All snipers learn that you never shoot unless its a sure kill, and that shooting wantonly gives your position away. That is unless, Packard simply forgot that his flash supresser had been destroyed? 2- The Iron Maiden was a little bit forced. They're a kick ass group and all, but I don't think they particulary suit the SC universe. I await the next iteration ... Click here to view this comment. |
