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The following are documents submitted by this user:

#	Document	Channel
1	Complete: The 'Fearless' Incident	Fiction
2	Fearless	Fiction
3	Fearless: Facility Massacre	Fiction
4	Forbidden Knowledge: 'Bad Day' Just Doesn't Cut It	Fiction
5	Forbidden Knowledge: A World Dies	Fiction
6	Forbidden Knowledge: Devices of Terror	Fiction
7	Forbidden Knowledge: Interlude	Fiction
8	Forbidden Knowledge: Old Warrior	Fiction
9	Forbidden Knowledge: Protoss Reunion	Fiction
10	Forbidden Knowledge: Shadows and Flame	Fiction
11	Forbidden Knowledge: The Praetor's Slaughter	Fiction
12	Forbidden Knowledge: Twilight of the Gods	Fiction
13	Some help with Characterisation and Character	Fiction
14	The Perfection of the Protoss	Fiction

The following are comments posted by this user:

#1. Posted on January 14, 2008 02:46 PM. Awesomeness. I'm loving it. Although the bit about the trained marksman... make it eight hundred metres. One hundred yards is pissing distance in military terms, most modern army rifles have a maximum range of 600 metres or so. These are impaler rifles firing hypersonic bullets, 800 metres is low-end for their probable effectiveness. ... Click here to view this comment.

#2. Posted on October 31, 2007 05:27 AM. Much better than your previous attempts, but still below average. The dialogue is decent, just needs breaking up with a few more mentions of how peoples' voices sound, what they're thinking and a bit more description. ... Click here to view this comment.

#3. Posted on October 31, 2007 05:24 AM. That would be semicolon, bracket. or ; ) Or maybe it isn't. Dammit. ... Click here to view this comment.

#4. Posted on October 11, 2007 06:05 PM. I'm trying to get a job... but in writing terms I'm trying to focus in on a story called 'Echo's Journey' (You can google it, it's the first thing that comes up.) I may do some more on Forbidden Knowledge soon, though. I really need to get back into writing regularly, at least two hours a day. Then hopefully I'll make some manner of progress. I'm eager to see more of Shadowblade. You write Tarken better than I do, truth be told. ... Click here to view this comment.

#5. Posted on October 07, 2007 01:08 PM. Mecha doesn't equal 'man-shaped'. Hell, it doesn't even mean 'man-shaped robot' 100% of the time, but that's generally what it's used for. For me, man-shaped means at least vaguely humanoid. The goliath is just too different from that shape, except in the loosest sense. Delta, I get your points, I just think there's a better way for him to describe them. And with the leg thing, there should probably be some mention of the tentacle going through the cockpit floor, or at least more focus on the ... Click here to view this comment.

#6. Posted on September 27, 2007 04:18 AM. Goliaths are not man-shaped. Not by any stretch of the imagination. They're closer in design to the AT-STs of Star Wars, only with a more rounded cockpit and heavier legs. They are not, I repeat not, man-shaped. ... Click here to view this comment.

#7. Posted on September 25, 2007 10:52 AM. 1. Sunkens can only attack things that are on the ground. It would be incredibly foolish to risk valuable units like Goliaths (consider how they are an anti-AIR army unit) to attack an installation like a sunken. If it was really dangerous, they would have sent a Wraith to take it out, or something like a siege tank - it's elementary tactics. If you can afford to divert an expensive unit, divert one that's going to get the job done. 2. You missed the point entirely. The tentacle would've had ... Click here to view this comment.

#8. Posted on September 24, 2007 02:38 PM. Okay... first of, why would they send goliaths to deal with sunken colonies? Any competent military force would send air units to deal with something that can only attack forces on the ground. To make such a situation realistic, mention somewhere that the zerg have total control of the skies - maybe a massive swarm of scourges. Or alternatively have the battlefront so stretched that they can only spare a group of goliaths. Second: characters. Who are these people? Why do we care about them? H ... Click here to view this comment.

#9. Posted on September 24, 2007 02:23 PM. Truth. Effort is what we're looking for. It's easy to see when someone has spent (bare *minimum*) a couple of hours on his work compared to someone who opened up the new story box and wrote something in two minutes. Still, I've given you my advice, so I await your next attempt. ... Click here to view this comment.

#10. Posted on September 21, 2007 04:11 PM. Ah, that's semantics. I got the above from a script-writing book. But I consider characterisation to be the 'properties and qualities' that set people apart from each other, and character is who a person *really* is. So a character can be cowardly throughout a story, but comes through when it really matters. Or a character who is full of bravado is suddenly revealed as a faker. ... Click here to view this comment.

#11. Posted on September 21, 2007 04:07 PM. Hmm... my skim read currently pegs this as a good, I'll look over it more exstensively at a later date. Nice to see someone else doing decent Wraith combat, I thought I was the only one who could pull it off. ... Click here to view this comment.

#12. Posted on September 20, 2007 02:40 AM. Hydralisk20, the above behaviour is known as flaming and is inappropriate for this site. It is punishable by temporary bans from the moderators. Please refrain from personal attacks in the future. If you have a comment on the story please make it, otherwise there's no reason for you to post in the thread. Rocky - I know I came over a bit harsh in my first post, it's a consequence of visiting a site that has almost zero-quality control on its fiction submissions. Still, keep trying - just try ... Click here to view this comment.

#13. Posted on September 20, 2007 02:37 AM. He's braver than you. ... Click here to view this comment.

#14. Posted on September 19, 2007 02:42 PM. Yeah, I guess, but it's exceptionally difficult. Of course, non-story pieces like dysfunktional's stuff work fine, because it's just thought. And my short essay on the Protoss was well-recieved. But those weren't stories. I couldn't tell a story in two pages any more. I think the shortest I ever managed was three... and that was with a whole lot of stuff cut out, by no means a perfect representation of the story I wanted to tell. (It was an assignment, IIRC.) So yeah, Rocky, for your next wor ... Click here to view this comment.

#15. Posted on September 17, 2007 03:53 AM. Fair enough. Take a look at some of the other works on the site. DocOc's work (Jimmy Raynor) is a good example of a how a story here should be. My own stuff is also good in terms of how you should format your writing. Basically, if a story is less than 3-4 pages it's just not worth putting up. Expand on the idea, create a character or two, (give them names), put in more dialogue and description and show how the characters think differently to each other by having them argue. ... Click here to view this comment.

#16. Posted on September 16, 2007 03:52 AM. Pretty Bad. Who approved this? Half-page stories really need to stop. As do double- and triple- approvals of the same story. The story of a tank crew in StarCraft would actually be interesting. Write one next time and you might get a better vote. ... Click here to view this comment.

#17. Posted on September 11, 2007 03:10 AM. Don't advertise in someone else's thread. If you want someone to read your story, PM them. Most will be happy to oblige. ... Click here to view this comment.

#18. Posted on September 05, 2007 02:24 PM. Hmm... anyone else got comments to make? Or votes to caste? ... Click here to view this comment.

#19. Posted on September 04, 2007 11:44 PM. Good. Fairly bog-standard idea but well-executed. Good use of language, interesting use of the flash back. Maybe just a little sickly in the romance parts, but then I guess it works as a contrast to the battle scenes. Just something to be aware of. ... Click here to view this comment.

#20. Posted on September 03, 2007 02:05 AM. A marine in armour would never fit inside a metre-wide hole. With things like that always leave margin for error. In other words, learn to estimate better. Other than that, Balance and DocOc have addressed most of my concerns. You should explain Liam's peace-seeking more, have him lamenting the fate of soldiers on the battlefield while he's fighting. Makes it more believable that he would want peace to break out. ... Click here to view this comment.

#21. Posted on August 31, 2007 02:13 AM. Challenge me to a duel? You've yet to strike me in the face with a glove. What is there to debate? I like the concept, you don't. Nothing we say will make the other change his mind. It's called personal preference. I've always found the Warhammer Titan pretty much the only giant war machine of its kind that I'm fond of, so making the Thor in its style is a plus for me. As for balance, I won't be playing SC2 any time soon after it's released, so by the time I get to it some patch or other ... Click here to view this comment.

#22. Posted on August 30, 2007 05:08 PM. Behemiths...? It is definitely StarCraft's Titan. The dreadnought resemblance is superficial at best, however. Although why it has legs when tracked vehicles are superior almost always superiour... At least I have a clearer idea of what I'm writing about now in the Forbidden Knowledge series. Most interesting to me was the fact that the Terrans had nanotech - I had no idea they had anything near that level of sophistication in terms of technology. It looks cool, though. Interesting ... Click here to view this comment.

#23. Posted on August 30, 2007 10:15 AM. Yeah, usually I put the name of the character at the top, but I think I'm pretty much going to stick with Fearless' perspective for 75% of the time. As for the Wraith thing, yes, it could already cloak - but you'll have to wait for the next chapter before finding out what its new tricks are. Mitchell is something of a crazy genius when it comes to engineering and tech stuff. ... Click here to view this comment.

#24. Posted on August 30, 2007 02:26 AM. Wanna PM it me, I can cast my eye over it for you if you wish, maybe offer an idea or two? ... Click here to view this comment.

#25. Posted on August 29, 2007 05:50 PM. I'm not great, truth be told. Anyone semi-decent can crush me 1v1. I mainly play UMS games, 'cause I find them more fun. Edit: Can't wait for information on the Thor to go up so I can actually write about it properly. ... Click here to view this comment.

#26. Posted on August 28, 2007 05:12 PM. It's up now, for anyone that's interested. ... Click here to view this comment.

#27. Posted on August 28, 2007 05:08 PM. It's okay, he'll give you exceptional later. Personally, I've still got to give this below average. Your language and stuff is decent enough, and your dialogue is okay, but still nothing special. The 'gameplay' elements are what bring it down. To really improve your work, focus on character development - how people change to cope with the situations they find themselves in. ... Click here to view this comment.

#28. Posted on August 28, 2007 05:03 PM. It's that time of the month, folks. That's right. VC time. Or for those of you who maybe don't get this slightly cryptic acronym, I'd appreciate votes and comments, especially constructive criticism. Don't just say it's crap - tell me why and I can improve. Thanks in advance to all my regular readers - or maybe just thanks to Doc Oc. WAIT DONT SHOOT ... Click here to view this comment.

#29. Posted on August 28, 2007 04:51 PM. jello12, please avoid posts like the above. This is known as flaming, and isn't allowed here. Such behaviour is punishable by temporary bans. If you have a comment for the story please make it, otherwise you don't really need to be discussing the comments others have posted. Bartoneye - just learn from your first mistakes and move on. When I first posted a story here there was a decent amount of criticism, so I took it in my stride and adapted my writing tunil mistakes were ironed out. Howeve ... Click here to view this comment.

#30. Posted on August 28, 2007 01:15 AM. Clearly he's still alive, Balance. Anyhow, it's high time there were some actualy damn submission guidelines. There are a dozen people or more capable of writing them, this is just plain laziness. There's even a fiction submission guidlines *page*. Would it really be so hard to put some guidelines on there, at least in terms of basic formatting? Paragraph indents don't work. The best way to deal with this is to drop a line between each paragraph and lay it out like the 'Forbidden Knowle ... Click here to view this comment.

#31. Posted on August 28, 2007 01:09 AM. Woo! Tiny picture. Next chapter should be up sometime over the next week, not that anyone cares. ... Click here to view this comment.

#32. Posted on August 27, 2007 05:32 PM. Love it, as ever. Dysnfunktional, I'm not sure if you're simply retarded or actually a genius, but either way you've come up with something pretty special. Excep, no doubts. ... Click here to view this comment.

#33. Posted on August 26, 2007 02:53 PM. This should be in the humour section, really. ... Click here to view this comment.

#34. Posted on August 25, 2007 04:39 AM. I'm calling this good. Barring thematic / ethical / motivational elements it's a tidy piece of work, better than most but not truly outstanding. Your description was good, military details were good... everything was good. I couldn't really think of much to improve on this, barring Haladras' comments. Hey, Halad, any chance you'll be able to check out the Forbidden Knowledge series any time soon? ... Click here to view this comment.

#35. Posted on August 23, 2007 12:40 PM. That would be the mods. But this isn't unapprovable. It's two line stories that bite my rag, if you will. ... Click here to view this comment.

#36. Posted on August 23, 2007 01:37 AM. Take a look at one of my stories... lay it out like I've done. Makes the paragraphs easy to see, makes dialogue easy on the eye as well. ... Click here to view this comment.

#37. Posted on August 22, 2007 02:03 PM. Indents don't work because the input script for these things is screwy. I've been told HTML often doesn't work, but I've never tried it myself. Easier to lay your stories out like I do mine. ... Click here to view this comment.

#38. Posted on August 22, 2007 02:01 PM. It wasn't horrible. Hence why you got below average Anyways, I've decided to be uber-harsh with votes simply because a dozen people can come along and post exceptional and it means nothing. Alright, when I say a dozen, I really mean X9. But there you go. ... Click here to view this comment.

#39. Posted on August 22, 2007 01:59 PM. I was getting sick and tired of people constantly saying 're plz' 're plz' and idiot spammers pasting about three pages worth of gogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogogoogoggooggoogogogogogogo g! before someone finally said 'dl. dl. *D* *L*. *Shut up!* So yeah, the patch was a pleasant surprise. ... Click here to view this comment.

#40. Posted on August 22, 2007 02:29 AM. It's CrazyTom. Didn't let me have only three characters over on the big daddy orgsite. ... Click here to view this comment.

#41. Posted on August 21, 2007 06:03 AM. You need to spread out your paragraphs, put a blank line between each one. Also, often dialogue is easier to read if you separate each line and drop them from the preceding paragraph. Just my opinion. I haven't the time to fully peruse this now, but it looks promising (as in, better than your previous efforts). I'll get back to you. ... Click here to view this comment.

#42. Posted on August 21, 2007 05:57 AM. No characters. Name at lease one Marine, follow his exploits, his interactions with other named marines and how their various personalities develop in reponse to the increasingly insane combat situations they find themselves dumped in. Have a marine who starts of heroic and brave, but eventually his self-confidence and belief in the Confederacy becomes replaced with cynicism as he sees their underhand methods across a selection of worlds. Have a new recruit, terrified, who latches onto a hard-bi ... Click here to view this comment.

#43. Posted on August 20, 2007 05:01 AM. Yeah, that would be good, I never figured out how to do it myself. darkslaya - there's a fantasy story of mine on Warboards.org called 'Iiriam and the Wyrm', but I haven't put a lot of my stuff online. Chalk it down to fear. ... Click here to view this comment.

#44. Posted on August 11, 2007 01:50 AM. Yeah, I was struggling with inspiration and I really wanted to get back to Fearless' perspective for the meeting with Dravere. The next chapter shold be a good deal longer. ... Click here to view this comment.

#45. Posted on August 10, 2007 01:22 PM. You've stumbled upon my aim in life, I'd love to be published. Sadly in Britain StarCraft stories are not in high demand so I'd never find a publisher. But my non-SC stuff might get done if I'm lucky. ... Click here to view this comment.

#46. Posted on August 10, 2007 01:20 PM. Yeah, not a lot more I can say on this, most people have outlined what I would have mentioned. ... Click here to view this comment.

#47. Posted on August 08, 2007 04:38 PM. http://www.vikingmagiccompany.com/ama/med/donuts.jpg mmm.... ... Click here to view this comment.

#48. Posted on August 06, 2007 11:02 AM. What kind of finer aspects of technology do you mean, exactly? I went into detail about the armour systems... could do with some more pointers for what you're after. ... Click here to view this comment.

#49. Posted on July 27, 2007 04:47 PM. No, Doc, I'm gonna leave it awhile. Let you have some of your rightful glory. I'm writing a nice chapter from Tarken's perspective, but as stated elswhere I'm going away for a week... so there won't be much writing getting done. Anyways, comments on this - it's a flat out exceptional, head and shoulders above 99 percent of other stuff, and even ten times better than most of the 1 percent stuff that's acutally good. Still, as ever, I must be honest. Quibbles: This work is littered with num ... Click here to view this comment.

#50. Posted on July 27, 2007 07:47 AM. Nice to see it's DocOc that's knocked me off the top spot, a worthy change. ... Click here to view this comment.

#51. Posted on July 27, 2007 07:46 AM. I've been trying to get a job... and I'm going away for a week. Still, I'll try and get some writing done - I haven't done much for some time, which is a shame. Just need to get some impetus behind the next chapter, keep the characters good - it's doing my head in. ... Click here to view this comment.

#52. Posted on July 25, 2007 05:55 PM. Good. I love the use of language, descriptions, etc... also you do well with characterisation, which is quite hard for a Protoss-centric story. Well done. WAIT DON'T SHOOT ... Click here to view this comment.

#53. Posted on July 24, 2007 04:09 PM. It's sexy, but I'll prefer it when it's all sorted out and working smoothly / is less messy. No spoof option in the poll? Dammit, I'll have to vote seriously... my SOFB-ness is clearly running out. ... Click here to view this comment.

#54. Posted on July 21, 2007 03:08 AM. Dammit, kicked off the top spot... ah well, I'll have to get on with the next chapter. ... Click here to view this comment.

#55. Posted on July 17, 2007 01:28 AM. A mixture, really - if it's kind of a pre-battle scenario they'd probably be thinking about all sorts of things, but within a battle they'd be more focussed - basically you have to make a judgement call for how you think your character would be in real life. ... Click here to view this comment.

#56. Posted on July 16, 2007 02:29 AM. Afraid I have to give this average. It's fairly generic, your language is good but not particularly interesting enough to bring it above the average (which is what I'd say this is, above average). Needs better characters. Some off-topic conversations between friends, arguments between friends (make one a proud person, he then has to swallow his pride to apologise). Use a thesaurus to spruce up your vocab - but don't overdo it. The odd word here and there will make a big diffference. Spe ... Click here to view this comment.

#57. Posted on July 08, 2007 04:29 PM. I turn it off for while I'm writing, then I at least take a look at what it offers, even if I click 'ignore' most of the time. And actually, crappy grammer does impede the reading of a story. It makes it hard to understand the flow, makes your prose clumsy... and your lack of willingness to accept it as a mistake and correct it is worrying to say the least. Anways, I didn't notice many grammar mistakes myself, and I think this warrants an exceptional. It really is better than 99% of the cr ... Click here to view this comment.

#58. Posted on July 08, 2007 01:18 PM. Given that six out of the fifteen available slots on the pop fic list are mine, I'd have to agree with you ... Click here to view this comment.

#59. Posted on July 05, 2007 03:25 PM. That's interesting... I think I pretty much always work chronologically forwards from where I begin - but I do sometimes start stories in the middle, with reference to events that have happened ealier in the narrative. Interestingly enough, your manner of writing is one that I actually recommend to people wanting to be writers - just write loads of sections of stories and link them together (or else otherwise incorporate the ideas used in them). This means that if you write a lot of scenes ab ... Click here to view this comment.

#60. Posted on July 05, 2007 05:56 AM. Yeah, I'm rather prolific. Anyways, the next chapter is up. Please go vote... someone just gave it below average and I'm in danger of losing my rag if I don't get a good explanation - either something wrong with the plotline, mistakes or dissaproval of my writing style. I'm happy to accept crticism from aynone, but please tell me what it is you don't like about my work instead of just voting and leaving it like this guy has. ... Click here to view this comment.

#61. Posted on July 05, 2007 05:54 AM. What do you mean? Don't you have a scroll bar? And secondly, who the hell gave this a below average? I'm happy to accept criticism but it better be damn well backed up. If someone is trying to decrease the popularity of my work by voting low on it then that is just ridiculous. Considering the rest of this series has garnered over 20 Exceptional votes, I'm going to need a very good explanation from whoever voted below average. Eycyor0 - the text box is the same size in every story. Unless ... Click here to view this comment.

#62. Posted on July 04, 2007 02:43 PM. It's dreamcoat, you uneducated philistine. ... Click here to view this comment.

#63. Posted on July 04, 2007 11:55 AM. I'd rather be a technicolour gunboat Crewed by some technicolour goats I'd sail down a technicolour river And eat tasty technicolour liver. Now when I shoot you the eplosions are orange! ... Click here to view this comment.

#64. Posted on July 02, 2007 05:46 PM. We can only hope, Ecyor0, we can only hope. Otherwise one of the mods needs slapping. ... Click here to view this comment.

#65. Posted on July 01, 2007 04:03 AM. No. But my sense of humour is fully functional. ... Click here to view this comment.

#66. Posted on June 30, 2007 12:03 PM. A decent amount of both, really. Guess this means I'll have to stop playing maps of 'Heaven's Last Defence' on BattleNet and sit down with my laptop for some 'us' time. ... Click here to view this comment.

#67. Posted on June 30, 2007 12:01 PM. Try writing a story next time. Pretty Bad. ... Click here to view this comment.

#68. Posted on June 30, 2007 08:27 AM. I just love writing - now I merely have to focus on quality instead of quantity ... Click here to view this comment.

#69. Posted on June 28, 2007 01:47 PM. Hmmm, you win by cheating. How very... juvenile... of you. ... Click here to view this comment.

#70. Posted on June 28, 2007 01:45 PM. Nice to know people are reading this. The site really, really need to make some official guidelines. X9 I'm looking at you. ... Click here to view this comment.

#71. Posted on June 28, 2007 01:44 PM. Yup, it's a sequel. Check the series. ... Click here to view this comment.

#72. Posted on June 28, 2007 04:15 AM. Wow, major case of Thesauritis. Really brings this work down. It's a fabulous concept, and I love all the layout ideas, just needs to be described in words that people will understand. I mean, hell, I've got the largest vocabulary out of anyone I know (not a boast, just a fact) and I didn't know what a few of your words meant. Also make sure you use the words right. I think a small use of the thesaurus is alright, just to spice up your writing - battle scenes benefit from it so you aren't always ... Click here to view this comment.

#73. Posted on June 28, 2007 04:07 AM. Cheers, DocOc, I've been looking forward to hearing your comments. What I'm really interested now is kind of beyond style - subject matter, if you will - creating a story and plotline that has a real impact. Hopefully my Creative Writing course at University will teach me to do this. I want to make characters that are really believable, rather than two-dimensional representations of human emotion. When is your next stuff coming out? ... Click here to view this comment.

#74. Posted on June 26, 2007 05:14 AM. Much like NAGOL said - you seem to have the right idea with regards to the quality of your work... now you just have to work on the quantity. Easiest way to do this? Carry a notebook and pen with you at all times - whenever you're inspired by something, jot down the idea, or write a little scene of description, or dialogue. Try and use the same character - eventually you'll see him develop as you think how the things that have happened to him have affected him. Also, don't be worried to nick ... Click here to view this comment.

#75. Posted on June 22, 2007 06:06 AM. Oh, yeah? Pray tell... ... Click here to view this comment.

#76. Posted on June 21, 2007 04:24 PM. Good language and descriptive stuff, but waaaaaaay too short to get exceptional. What you need to do to write longer stories is simply include the same character in a bunch of shorter ones and then link them together somehow. ... Click here to view this comment.

#77. Posted on June 21, 2007 04:21 PM. Unpeel me baby, oh yeah! Come get my white creamy goodness. ... Click here to view this comment.

#78. Posted on June 21, 2007 09:54 AM. No one messes with Ktan. Not on my watch. Us Manchester residents, we stick together. ... Click here to view this comment.

#79. Posted on June 19, 2007 04:29 AM. Out of interest Balance, you do know that this is just one chapter of a series? Some of the others focus on dialogue and so forth. As for the SC2 stuff... yeah, I couldn't remember what the guy said, but I'll be changing stuff and generally getting more accurate as more SC2 information comes my way. In the meantime, chalk it up to the fact that Elnix is an Executor's bodyguard and thus would have superior weaponary. Or something. ... Click here to view this comment.

#80. Posted on June 17, 2007 08:37 AM. I'm not sure I like the new zerglings... they look too insect-like. I think it's the wings. They shouldn't be winged. ... Click here to view this comment.

#81. Posted on June 17, 2007 01:09 AM. Soon, I was just hoping for a little more feedback on this one before the next one goees up - but sadly the site seems to have died. Anyways, I just need to proofread the chapter and then I'll probably do it. ... Click here to view this comment.

#82. Posted on June 16, 2007 10:51 AM. I do try. ... Click here to view this comment.

#83. Posted on June 15, 2007 10:38 AM. Good. Very good. The character was convincing (if a little odd-looking. ). Your language was good, though grammer was possibly a little sketchy: *** The cold morning air cut through my light windbreaker, it wasn’t cold but the windbreaker served to hide my skin from random passerby, the hysteria caused by seeing a man with mottled red and green skin would likely cause a riot, although I could easily deal with a riot, the police might come and lock me away, and then They would find me, a ... Click here to view this comment.

#84. Posted on June 15, 2007 10:06 AM. The site seems to be a bit dead at the moment - back when I first started writing here I had ten comments within days. Still, give it time and you'll get more feedback. And the more you upload, the more people will see your name around. Just remember to make it quality- - as best as you can. I rushed the last chapter of my first fanfic (The Fearless Incident) and recieved a lot of stick for it. ... Click here to view this comment.

#85. Posted on June 15, 2007 10:01 AM. Yeah, will do. And exposition is when you simply describe events that have happened - e.g. 'four weeks passed. During that time, we journeyed to a dozen worlds, each of them more dangerous than the last. And all the while a dark shadow seemed to follow us...' It's telling the reader what happened, rather than showing him the events that took place. ... Click here to view this comment.

#86. Posted on June 12, 2007 02:06 PM. The next one is a bit more exciting, don't worry. After all, I had to move the plot along somehow, and I've never been a massive fan of exposition. ... Click here to view this comment.

#87. Posted on June 12, 2007 02:54 AM. Sorry. I'd be less brutal, but I'm trying to cut back on my exceptional vots so I can vote for stuff that really is the exception to most of the works of 'questionable quality' that I read here. 'by Tom none the less'? You've heard of me? I didn't think I was that well-known... Well, if you want more pointers on how to inject some more originality into your work, you could always check out my series And to be honest, in terms of the brutal honesty thing, I try to be encouraging but I do m ... Click here to view this comment.

#88. Posted on June 11, 2007 12:55 PM. I decided some king of shuttle made sense for orbital insertion. Rest assured it's not a Protoss shuttle. ... Click here to view this comment.

#89. Posted on June 11, 2007 12:54 PM. Ah, how can more people not have read this? It's only a page long! It'll take you ten minutes! Please! ... Click here to view this comment.

#90. Posted on June 11, 2007 12:50 PM. DOTA stands for Donkey On Tasty Avacado. It's a French dish. ... Click here to view this comment.

#91. Posted on June 10, 2007 01:22 AM. Interesting. Personally I found the characters a little underformed - we don't get much of a sense of what this woman is like as a person. Maybe some scenes where she is off-duty would be good, to see how she interacts with normal people, or off-duty scientists or something. Aside from that, language+grammer were fine and the plot looks intruiging. Good. ... Click here to view this comment.

#92. Posted on June 10, 2007 01:10 AM. Just wait 'till the next chapter... ... Click here to view this comment.

#93. Posted on June 09, 2007 04:51 PM. Very good. Not exceptional... but very, very good. Dialogue and characters far better than most I read on this site - to be honest, most of it is trash, but you've impressed me. In fact, the more I read this, the more I see that it is one of the few pieces of work that actually stands up above the rest. I think the only reason I don't want to give you exceptional is because this is yet another story about Raynor and I think a writer of your talent should focus on creating a new character - wi ... Click here to view this comment.

#94. Posted on June 09, 2007 04:45 PM. You need to put in descriptions of scene, descriptions of character, descriptions of locations, people's facial expressions, the smell of zerg blood or something like that, but go through the five senses and try to work in at least one to every passage. Description is the warp and weft of stories, it's what helps us suspend our disbelief and make us feel like we're actually there in the scene. Write about how something feels to the touch, what things sound like to people, and what their react ... Click here to view this comment.

#95. Posted on June 09, 2007 04:41 PM. Well, I'll try and give some more constructive criticism. Like the others have said, adjectives are good, but you don't have to overdo it. A good method of using descriptive language is to say what it looks like to one of the characters, and how it makes them feel. There were also some technical errors. They put the Hybrid under anaesthetic, not amnesia - amnesia is memory loss. Also, surely 'neural stimms' would be used to wake the creature up? 'Stimm' is general short for stimulant, and ... Click here to view this comment.

#96. Posted on June 09, 2007 04:29 PM. Bah, that was constructive criticism. If I wanted to not be nice I would've just told him it was crap without offering any advice for how to improve his work. As I said, he's got the makings of a good writer. He just needs to take note of the advice people give on this site and allow it to influence his work, at least in terms of quality - not style. ... Click here to view this comment.

#97. Posted on June 09, 2007 04:24 PM. Cool. You spot the SC2 reference? ... Click here to view this comment.

#98. Posted on June 09, 2007 12:41 PM. First off, when presenting your work it makes it a lot easier to read if you separate out each paragraph with a space. Each time you have a new scene or section of action, put it in a new paragraph. You also change perspective throughout, or at least that was the impression I got - one minute you're writing about Dack in the third person - 'he did this', 'he did that', etc. Then next minute you write 'I did this' and 'I did that.' The plot is highly derivative - what is the point to your s ... Click here to view this comment.

#99. Posted on June 09, 2007 08:48 AM. Okay, last time I posted this someone managed to delete it... here's hoping this one sticks around. Comments appreciated, but I think perhaps because this is short people shouldn't neccesarily vote on it. ... Click here to view this comment.

#100. Posted on June 08, 2007 06:22 PM. Hey, Geckat, I've started including SC2 stuff in my fanfiction - one of the upcoming chapters features a powerful Immortal. When are other people going to start doing this? I'm surprised there aren't several SC2-related fics already. And as for poll length, I remember 300+ ones. As for my vote? I may not have been around for a while, but I'm still a spoof-option fanboy. ... Click here to view this comment.

#101. Posted on June 08, 2007 03:34 PM. Just a short diverion from my main series, based on some of the new SC2 stuff I've read about on the website. This was a bit of an experiment, writing in the second person to see how it turned out. Well, tell me what you think. However, I do realise this is only a short piece and perhaps shouldn't displace longer pieces of work from the popular fiction list that have had more time and effort put into them. Please only vote Exceptional on this if you really think it deserves to be up there wit ... Click here to view this comment.

#102. Posted on June 08, 2007 02:58 PM. Anything that can be improaved? Dammit, where's DeltaSquad when you need him? ... Click here to view this comment.

#103. Posted on June 08, 2007 04:27 AM. Average. Sentences were too long, as Clone98 said. Separate out your ideas for what happened and try to mix both complex and simple sentences. For example: *** The missile turret behind Tycho erupted in a massive belch of flame as the zerg acid ate through its missiles. It sprayed the marines in the trench with chunks of debris. Tycho flund himself to the ground to avoice a large piece of shrapnel, but it just grazed his helemt and left a long scar. *** Also, separate out your dia ... Click here to view this comment.

#104. Posted on June 08, 2007 04:20 AM. Yeah, i think the same as Doc Oc. The quality of written language is exceptional, but it's just too short to get that vote from me. When I'll typically spend three hours or more polishing a single page of text, it's a little dispiriting when something like this comes along and garners more votes. Anyways, maybe if your turned this into some sort of poem it would be more effective... Then it wouldn't matter if it was short, 'cause no one wants to read a three page poem. ... Click here to view this comment.

#105. Posted on June 07, 2007 04:15 PM. He doesn't die in a mission, he dies in between two - the latter being the one where you have to wipe out the rogue swarm... I think it's called 'The Purging' or something like that. ... Click here to view this comment.

#106. Posted on June 07, 2007 02:36 AM. There were Ghosts in it, just not named. The SC stuff is there, but you do need to read between the lines to find it. Still, be glad Bloodbane hasn't seen this. ... Click here to view this comment.

#107. Posted on June 06, 2007 05:51 PM. When I've got a decent amount of feedback on this one I'll post the next chapter I just finished. ... Click here to view this comment.

#108. Posted on June 06, 2007 03:39 AM. In your opinion, maybe. Professionalism doesn't really figure, as I've already pointed out a well-established science-fiction author who used the same technique. And you find this guy's books everywhere. I think we'll have to agree to disagree on this particular point. Still, your comments on the other pieces would be appreciated. ... Click here to view this comment.

#109. Posted on June 05, 2007 03:28 PM. Yeah, I know a lot of people won't like this a much as the next. That's the trouble I find with trying to tell a good story - often you have to take a step back and contrast intense action with some scenes of heavy, in-depth thought. However, the next chapter should have a decent bit of TvP action for you to chew over. Still, if you like more action-oriented stuff, I also wrote 'The Fearless Incident' which you might like. It's about a squad of elite soldiers dropped on a Zerg-infested plane ... Click here to view this comment.

#110. Posted on June 05, 2007 03:26 PM. Yeah, a cloaked wraith can blow the hell out of a carrier simply because it's invisible. Hence the lack of observers, so the Wraith can't be detect. The only mistake I really made is in power levels and ammunition, but I'll work to resolve that for future work. ... Click here to view this comment.

#111. Posted on June 05, 2007 11:42 AM. I've missed you, K'tan. ... Click here to view this comment.

#112. Posted on June 03, 2007 02:57 PM. Glad to hear it. Look forward to hearing what you have to say. ... Click here to view this comment.

#113. Posted on June 02, 2007 03:25 PM. Well, the next one is up... if people want to go read it it'll be muchly appreciated. ... Click here to view this comment.

#114. Posted on June 02, 2007 03:24 PM. Vote and comment, people. Please! ... Click here to view this comment.

#115. Posted on May 31, 2007 03:44 AM. You can edit your submissions, you know. Click 'Manage submissions', should let you edit. ... Click here to view this comment.

#116. Posted on May 29, 2007 02:52 AM. This is the punishment I get for having game mechanics in my head when I wrote that chapter! Ah, well, I'll go for having common sense in my head next time. Work's been a bit on-off, the next chapter is short but sweet. I'll put it up soon. Also, if anyone wants to know the origins of Fearless, that's covered in 'The Fearless Incident'. (/shameless plug) ... Click here to view this comment.

#117. Posted on May 26, 2007 12:20 PM. Good. Competent writing and interesting plot. Still not a massive amount has happened yet, but once the plot really starts moving I'll be able to give you more pointers. ... Click here to view this comment.

#118. Posted on May 26, 2007 12:13 PM. Yeah, I'll have to plan my scenes more carefully next time. Still, these comments are why I put these stories up here. Any information about StarCraft vehicle capabilities and ammunition loads would be greatly appeciated. ... Click here to view this comment.

#119. Posted on May 25, 2007 07:29 PM. Maybe this whole thing should just be left, this really isn't the place for it. If people really want to continue a discussion, PM each other and start a thread on warboards.org. If we are making comments on the accuracy of the subject matter then fair enough - for example, the depiction of Christians as violent terrorists is incredibly innaccurate and fairly non-sensical as few or no people are like that today - but discussions on athiesm and Mormonism is hardly relevent. Then again, I'm no ... Click here to view this comment.

#120. Posted on May 25, 2007 07:26 PM. Aside from paltry length, overuse of ellipsis (...) makes people's eyes hurt. Your description and use of language seem okay, but again we need more story. Some of the technical aspects are also wrong - psi blades aren't things that can be attached, they are pure psionic energy generated by a Protoss warrior. They cannot be scavenged because if a warrior dies, it can't create the blades any more and so they vanish. Average. ... Click here to view this comment.

#121. Posted on May 22, 2007 03:33 PM. Thought I might bump this, see if I can get people to comment on it more... though it's page five, so it might not get seen anyway. Anyways, if anyone has anything to say about this I'd like to know. ... Click here to view this comment.

#122. Posted on May 22, 2007 03:15 PM. I think they use warp travel for long distance, and I decided that the battlecruisers had a tokamak ion drive - just make something up, as long as it's feasible people won't mind. Having actually read the story, I've voted this exceptional. You seem to know more-or-less exactly what you need to do. My suggestion would be perhaps a little more focuss on character personalities - make them really distinct (a good way to do this being the interior monologue) and people will love reaing your wor ... Click here to view this comment.

#123. Posted on May 22, 2007 03:46 AM. Or failing that, write the story for your own cathartic release but don't put it on the net. Anger doesn't do much to draw people around to your point of view, but concise, logical argument does. I'm just trying to give some advice, 'cause I think you're got the makings of a becoming a good writer. ... Click here to view this comment.

#124. Posted on May 21, 2007 03:58 PM. Well, truth be told I wasn't really in the Golden Age either, but I've seen your work around. As for the naval stuff, I didn't really know how to go about real space combat so I had to make it up, I borrowed from a number of sources and tried to come up with something a bit different. But any pointers you can give me for future scenes would be muchly appreciated. As for the size difference, I guess I didn't really think that one through. but it made sense in my head... I dunno, I guess ... Click here to view this comment.

#125. Posted on May 21, 2007 03:52 PM. Well, I'm not familiar with your old writing style but this one seems effective to me. Keep it up. ... Click here to view this comment.

#126. Posted on May 21, 2007 12:53 PM. That's an... impressively stupid reason to write a story. Even if you do want to lash out at whatever pet hate is bugging you, if you do it in an educated, intelligent way it will be a lot more effective. ... Click here to view this comment.

#127. Posted on May 21, 2007 12:49 PM. This is number 3 , check the series. I've done chapter 4, pending a read-through, and I'm working on chapter five at the moment. Shouldn't take too long, though. ... Click here to view this comment.

#128. Posted on May 21, 2007 10:28 AM. My first story here in quite a while... please, vote and comment people. Make me feel alive! ... Click here to view this comment.

#129. Posted on May 21, 2007 05:06 AM. Good, but short. We need a bit more than this, even if it is a prologue - maybe just a few more hints of the plot to come. Still, characters and use of language are good. Make sure the next chapters are longer and you could land a couple of -exp- votes easily. ... Click here to view this comment.

#130. Posted on May 20, 2007 05:18 PM. This falls somewhere between good and average. Your use of language is fairly good, but I didn't particularly see anything special in your lexis or vocabulary to place it above anything else, so it gets an average. For a gun battle / seige there's precious little tensions, I'd try to do some scenes where you could build this up somehow, maybe have a protagonist's internal thoughts - one of the Marines could be a rookie and worried about the fight, or something. Characters could be slightly ... Click here to view this comment.

#131. Posted on May 20, 2007 12:12 PM. Very good. Interesting plot, decent characters, very little that I could say needs improving. I may well read more of this, once you've posted it up. Keep it character-based - people want to see the folk they're reading about change and mature. One of these nerdy scientist blokes might have to toughen up, Gordon Freeman-style. That would be cool. Still, it's your story. Good stuff so far. ... Click here to view this comment.

#132. Posted on May 20, 2007 07:54 AM. Nice to see someone's keeping up the quality work while I've been gone. -Exp-, no doubts. ... Click here to view this comment.

#133. Posted on January 17, 2007 07:11 AM. Hehe, the reference is to the Oasis album 'Don't Believe the Truth' and the single 'Lyla. SOFB-FTW! Bet K'tan thought he was safe, I haven't been round here for ages... ... Click here to view this comment.

#134. Posted on January 07, 2007 01:39 PM. *rereads the poll with mischief in mind* I'd [i]most[/i] like to *have* Jessica Alba, if we're really going there... But alas she's not on the list. ... Click here to view this comment.

#135. Posted on January 06, 2007 04:59 AM. I've never worn a woman's underclothing but I'm sure it would be a memorable experience for all involved. This would have to be a party with alcohol, however... ... Click here to view this comment.

#136. Posted on December 25, 2006 12:37 PM. Did Gallantry even write this himself? He's got a pretty poor track record for plagarism. ... Click here to view this comment.

#137. Posted on November 30, 2006 12:09 PM. Ah, the joys of New York... SOFB ... Click here to view this comment.

#138. Posted on November 19, 2006 06:06 AM. Ouch... that hurts. I've no idea what grade I'm in, I'm British - year 13, or something. 17 years old and thus barred from your club. Well, I hope you're happy. DocOc - You can probably guess my vote and some of my quibbles, there's still the thesauritis thing, but one or two others. 'guns augmented' You used this phrase twice, I'm not entirely sure what you meant. Augmented usually means something has been added, it's originally a musical term where you sharped the top note of an inter ... Click here to view this comment.

#139. Posted on November 16, 2006 11:33 AM. As previously stated, the good Doctor and I both suffer from 'thesauritis', a little known condition whereby simple words that issue from our deranged minds are transformed into complicated versions of their former selves. ... Click here to view this comment.

#140. Posted on November 14, 2006 02:58 AM. I voted it a good. Like other have said, the science is a bit of bull, but I didn't really notice... and I'll continue not to notice so long as the characters you give us are good. The guy in this one was okay, but we want to see tense dialogue, arguments and conflict between characters, because that's what makes stories reall interesting. Still, good stuff. ... Click here to view this comment.

#141. Posted on November 07, 2006 03:25 PM. WAIT DONT SHOOT Sorry, had to be done. ... Click here to view this comment.

#142. Posted on November 06, 2006 03:56 PM. Flat out exeptional. Quibbles: '...the Dark Templar was reminded of the devil itself.' My concern here is what devil the DT is referring to. Devils and Satan are human beliefs which the Protoss wouldn't have. Just a thought. Maybe here's the place to invent some Protoss mythology. Anyways, although I aboslutely love this, some of the words simply don't make sense in the places you've used them. At least not to me, I could be wrong on one or two so if that's the case I apologise. I'v ... Click here to view this comment.

#143. Posted on November 03, 2006 08:26 AM. Doc Oc... don't put chapter numbers on it! Please! Nothing puts me off reading a story that 'The story of so-and-so.... part 93875' Then again, I guess others may not be bothered; it's your call. ... Click here to view this comment.

#144. Posted on November 02, 2006 10:06 AM. Nah, it's not the only thing I've enjoyed on here... but it's definitely one of the precious few. Just generally I haven't found much that's gripped me in quite the same way as published books have. OneLoneMarine's stuff has always been good, and some of the other stuff DocOc's sent me. Trouble is, I don't like starting these long stories where there are already sixteen chapters written... it bugs me, maybe because it's too much like reading a real book. But I'll try and keep up with this one, a ... Click here to view this comment.

#145. Posted on November 01, 2006 03:26 PM. Cool, I'll get on it, college work permitting. Most of what I wrote was on the printoff I did, but I'll try and type it up. ... Click here to view this comment.

#146. Posted on November 01, 2006 12:54 PM. Wow... first story on here I genuinely enjoyed... Anways, I've voted exceptional. Because I liked this so much I went over pretty every sentence with a fine toothpick, looking for mistakes (and I only do this with work I like, if that makes sense) and came up with a fair bit of stuff that I personally felt you could improve, some of it is definitely a question of style, some of it is actual grammitical errors, but subtle ones most people wouldn't spot. Still, if you want I'll put in highli ... Click here to view this comment.

#147. Posted on November 01, 2006 12:50 PM. Those creepy people slaving away... SOFB strikes again. ... Click here to view this comment.

#148. Posted on October 31, 2006 03:46 PM. The only thing that caught my eye in this (I don't have time to give it a proper read) was the word 'pwning'. Please. No. We *really* don't need this. ... Click here to view this comment.

#149. Posted on October 31, 2006 03:43 PM. The staff aren't dead, this always happens. *rolls eyes* ... Click here to view this comment.

#150. Posted on October 25, 2006 04:04 PM. www.google.com Search engines > you ... Click here to view this comment.

#151. Posted on October 22, 2006 10:44 AM. I give it an exceptional vote because it's well written - very little in the way of grammar/sp mistakes that I noticed - and very different to most of the other stuff we get here. My one beef is perhaps some of the noob / tard comments were a bit overdone. Granted I can see the man saying them in 'real' life, but on paper it reads a tad repetitively. Maybe a few different insults and intersperse them more, make them really acidic. ... Click here to view this comment.

#152. Posted on October 20, 2006 05:37 PM. The only thing I ever got called online was 'myspace'. It was my nickname over on Infocepter - which I don't go to any more because they're all gay / obsessed with porn. I might rebrand myself as DONT Tom, in honor of one of our departed members. -DONT Tom wOOT! WOOt! wOOT! WAIT DONT SHOOT ... Click here to view this comment.

#153. Posted on October 19, 2006 10:04 AM. Can't really say much more than what everybody else has said. Gets a good, would be -exp- but too short. Keep writing and I'm sure you'll get there eventually. ... Click here to view this comment.

#154. Posted on October 17, 2006 09:42 AM. andman: Fan fictions are approved manually by the mods, you'll just have to wait a few days. It can be anything from a day to a week, depending on which staff members are around. Everyone else: Teenage relationships are just a long list of cliches strung together in varying arrangements. If you're the sort of person that gets attached to people, I seriously wouldn't bother to go looking for a female presence in your life. (Or male, not that there are many femmes here.) I can get attached to ... Click here to view this comment.

#155. Posted on October 16, 2006 10:44 AM. Girl trouble? Well, it's like buying a car. You wouldn't buy back a car that was robbed from you, especially if had been used by a few people before you got it back. A car that's been round the block a few times isn't worth the hassle. My advice? Save up and go for a shiny, clean new car in the future. I'd never get back with any of the people I've been out with in the past, not even if they begged me. Not that any of them ever would... but that's not the point, is it? Umm... anyway... Torras ... Click here to view this comment.

#156. Posted on October 15, 2006 04:07 PM. Kerrigan porn should have been the spoof option. It'd better become a spoof option in a later poll, or K'tan will be very upset... As will I. *stands proud* Although on a serious note, combinations of Terran and Protoss units would be interesting to work with. Marines with shields would add a tremendous amount of new tactics to the game play. A portable shield regenerator for the Protoss would also be interesting - maybe something akin to the Arbiter, with an area affect that increases ... Click here to view this comment.

#157. Posted on October 14, 2006 02:59 PM. Well, Adam Roberts does it in 'Salt', so I guess I can get away with it. My idea in this case being that he recounts the experience of death as he dies. To who? Ah, now if we knew that... ... Click here to view this comment.

#158. Posted on October 12, 2006 01:51 PM. If only more people would read this... *sniffs* I think I'm going to cry. ... Click here to view this comment.

#159. Posted on October 11, 2006 01:20 PM. Exceptional, not really a lot I can comment on. Couple of the tiniest of errors ('and' instead of 'any' or something), nothing worth scouring for. One or two of the phrases didn't quite seem to fit but part of that might be writing style, overall exceptional - great characters, good description. good dialogue too (which really is a refreshing change from most of the crap we get here ) ... Click here to view this comment.

#160. Posted on October 11, 2006 01:04 PM. Yada yada spelling and grammar check yada yada yada. Not too many mistakes in that area but if you iron them all out it'll be good. Now for the meat. I liked this, which surprised me, there was something different about it. It was very immediate, with a strong sense of being there in the midst of the battle. Quibbles: You use 'spoke' instead of 'said'. It's a minor thing, but one of those that niggled me. There was quite a lot of 'ten so-and-so, sixteen thingys and three tanks', whic ... Click here to view this comment.

#161. Posted on October 10, 2006 02:46 PM. Hybrids are a combination of Protoss and Zerg DNA, with purity of both form and essence, created by... Ah, heck, I can't be bothered. Go here: www.wikipedia.org :and type in starcraft, it'll tell you everything you want to know. Let's not waste the space here... *glares* ... Click here to view this comment.

#162. Posted on October 07, 2006 11:05 AM. Lots and lots of zerg! kekekekekek! By the way, K'tan will be very upset if he finds out people have been voting for the Xel'Naga. He might even grasp his shotgun firmly... lolz. (that's a joke for anyone who's read the org.wiki) WOOt! wOOT! WOOt! WAIT DONT SHOOT ... Click here to view this comment.

#163. Posted on October 04, 2006 03:14 PM. (Torrasque - if Bloodbane's comment has been deleted by the mods, chances are it's not worth reading. But (curse my helpful side) if you really want to find out things he's said you can search for members by clicking the Search button among the menus at the top of the page.) And in response to the whole 'other randoms come and join in' - that would be what happened if we had proper forums here. It would detract from the game-centered air of the site, because forums attract forumers. People woul ... Click here to view this comment.

#164. Posted on October 04, 2006 03:09 PM. To be honest, Torrasque, I wouldn't bother. Bloodbane has very little to say of relevance, other than his StarCraft strategies. You'll only rile youself unneccesarily. I seem to remember from discussions in past months that Geckat is a sucker for massed Dark Templar. Though he might have improved now. ... Click here to view this comment.

#165. Posted on October 02, 2006 03:44 PM. Yowzer... I wouldn't spread that around here, you'll get SC-nerds after you. *rolls eyes* I guess I'm actually going to have to read this and give it a proper review, although I guess from Geckat's he's probably said most of what I would say. Edit: Now I've read this, I'm very impressed. Good characters, though maybe a little more backstory as to why they don't really care about their daughter - perhaps she could be adopted (always a good plot because it adds mystery, which is what I think y ... Click here to view this comment.

#166. Posted on October 02, 2006 11:47 AM. *accepts the angry stick being shaken at him.* Well, I guess that clears it all up. Apologies also due to Ktan, and I'll have to actually start reading the fanfics instead of just skimming them as I usually do... ... Click here to view this comment.

#167. Posted on September 30, 2006 10:39 AM. Impressive. Well written and thoughtful, but as much as I want to give you -exp-, it falls just shy... I guess it's not really a story, per se... but it's still fantastic, and if you write a few more I'll definitely read them. In fact, you could do a number of them, group them together under the title of 'Zerg Anatomical Casefiles' and that would almost certainly earn you -exp-, if not Elite, when nominations start going up. ... Click here to view this comment.

#168. Posted on September 29, 2006 02:55 PM. It's brilliant, but I shy from giving it exceptional because of its brevity. We need more of the story put up. I'm going to give this a good in the hope that it's a work in progress. If you put up a few pages-worth of the story next time I'll be happy to read them. Good characterisation - if you can keep it up for a nicely long short story I might even consider it to be the best I've come across here -, good imagery, just way too short. ... Click here to view this comment.

#169. Posted on September 29, 2006 06:14 AM. WOOt! number one comment. A net, used solely for battle... sorta like a Roman Retarius, or whatever they were called. Like the one in AVP! That would be so awesome. Colin Salmon always gets diced like that in his films... remeber Resident Evil? ... Click here to view this comment.

#170. Posted on September 29, 2006 02:55 AM. Wow, I completely missed that Protoss reference... I must be slipping in my old age. Apologies to Seera, who's actually done a clever piece of work - a non-SF SC story. ... Click here to view this comment.

#171. Posted on September 28, 2006 01:32 PM. Ok... There's so much to say about this I don't know where to begin. I like to bring out things that are good in a story, unfortunately this one doesn't have an overwhelming amount of merit. *looks at K'tan* What I did like about it was the simple, coherent storyline. However, a lot needs to be done on this to make it even an average piece of work. We need more detail. Descriptions of the planet's surface, locations the protagonist goes to, ect. We need to know what's going on inside th ... Click here to view this comment.

#172. Posted on September 28, 2006 01:18 PM. Ktan's first lesson in quality control. We mustn't ever forget the lesson of 'Zerg Porn Star'. ... Click here to view this comment.

#173. Posted on September 27, 2006 04:03 PM. Before anyone snaps at you, you should know that this part of the site is dedicated to stories concerning the StarCraft universe / timeline. There is a section for non-sc works, perhaps that is where this piece should have gone. By the way, there's plenty of other sites to put up non-Sc stories on - hell, even Warboards, in the Creative Concepts forum. Just type in 'short story submissions' into Google, search around. There's loads out there. Having said all that, I think this is a fairly ... Click here to view this comment.

#174. Posted on September 25, 2006 02:47 PM. Wowzer, Ktan's a staff? Awesome. Hope power doesn't go to his head and corrupt him. Well, here's an imaginary toast to his new reign - and may he get to work on some quality control for the submissions... ... Click here to view this comment.

#175. Posted on September 25, 2006 02:46 PM. Umm, as much as it plagues me to say this, there is no comittee. At the moment, I'm pretty sure anything you put on this site gets put on sooner or later - there's no quality / submission control. Aside from that, there is a section for non-sc works, perhaps that is where this piece should have gone. By the way, there's plenty of other sites to put up non-Sc stories on - hell, even Warboards, in the Creative Concepts forum. Just type in 'short story submissions' into Google, search around. Th ... Click here to view this comment.

#176. Posted on September 24, 2006 06:48 AM. 'ftw' is one of the three-letter acronym commonly found in the posts of those user who type in 'elite' or '1337' speak. It stands for 'for the win' and is generally used to denote something that said user thinks is very good. ... Click here to view this comment.

#177. Posted on September 23, 2006 10:58 AM. Vacuum cleaners ftw! Spoof option fanboy strikes again. Imagine the power of a Blizzard, harnessed in your vacuum - none of those little bits that get stuck in the carpet, not to mention those annoying threads that get stuck up in the edges. You wouldn't even have to move the mother around, just turn it on in the middle of the room and watch as all that dust gets sucked in, but leaving your valuable ming vases completely unscathed. Immense. WOOt! wOOT! WOOt! WAIT DONT SHOOT ... Click here to view this comment.

#178. Posted on September 23, 2006 10:55 AM. I'm interested in reviewing the fanfic submissions, as for my writing ability you can look at the comments that have been made on Fearless. I've never worked for a site before so I don't have any prior experience. But I'm sure other members will vouch for my writing ability. And get Delta to do it, we need less crap here. ... Click here to view this comment.

#179. Posted on August 18, 2006 02:01 PM. Spoof Option Fanboy Beyond Redepmtion. That's me done for this poll, unless we get into a discussion about whether or not it's sad to play that much StarCraft, or, indeed, any computer game. ... Click here to view this comment.

#180. Posted on August 18, 2006 05:03 AM. WHAT NO SPOOF OPTION? How on earth do you expect me to take part in this poll? ... Click here to view this comment.

#181. Posted on August 17, 2006 11:33 AM. Your proof is a crocodile? Correct me if I'm wrong, but it's quite hard to put one of them on the Internet. Or is it video evidence of the crocodile supporting your claims? ... Click here to view this comment.

#182. Posted on August 16, 2006 04:54 PM. There really is nothing more to say. How perfectly ironic. If Geckat doesn't show up in a few days, there's gonna be trouble. Or. I could just e-mail him... But that would spoil the fun of an open thread. Spam Feast! WOOt! wOOT! WOOt! WAIT DONT SHOOT In other news, please keep the swearing down. I'm not looking at anyone particular, but just 'cause there's no staff doesn't mean we abandon all the rules. Let's have some fun with the thread but keep the flames down. ... Click here to view this comment.

#183. Posted on August 16, 2006 10:44 AM. It's called an absence of staff. Geckat's on holiday, a break from his part time job as a woman. ... Click here to view this comment.

#184. Posted on August 15, 2006 04:14 AM. Indeed, Ba-I mean, 'Slickrick' I have seen him... I know all your secrets. This poll has died. And lyye will never be allowed to make another poll, because he forgot to include a spoof option. Option 4: Geckat's been arrested for mugging a pensioner. ... Click here to view this comment.

#185. Posted on August 15, 2006 03:49 AM. Right, I see where you're coming from. My idea here is that the viewpoint is now going to change into the third person, and possible back into the first when other characters turn up later in the story. If any mods happen to poke their heads round the door, if they could move this to the 'serials' section and then I'll submit a bit more of what I've done. As for the death thing, the first person narration ends with the death of the first person. It'll make sense when I post the rest... I prom ... Click here to view this comment.

#186. Posted on August 14, 2006 08:27 AM. Who the hell hacked my account? Oh, wait, they didn't, I just forgot that I wrote that post... whoops. ... Click here to view this comment.

#187. Posted on August 14, 2006 07:38 AM. Cheers for your comments, Haladras, but I'm afraid I'm going to have to correct you on one key point... I can do whatever the hell I like with my story. The audience may be shocked, they may not like it, but at the end of the day it's my story. Most stuff I'm ameanable to change, but I'm afraid this is one guardsman who's not coming back. Anyways, there's a heck of a lot more to this story now which I'll post in the future. I guess I should've specified this is merely the first part. Also, y ... Click here to view this comment.

#188. Posted on August 14, 2006 07:35 AM. Yeah, I know I have to keep working, thanks for your criticism, Haladras. I know I made a lot of mistakes with Fearless. Some of my writing is obviously a choice of style but genuine mistakes / poor writing I'll endeavour to correct. As for elite fiction comments, this work isn't elite fiction. Not yet, anyways. As far as I'm concerned, the only work which is elite at the moment is the stuff *in the elite section*, unless the admins say otherwise. Until we have the site revamp / fiction rubbi ... Click here to view this comment.

#189. Posted on August 14, 2006 07:21 AM. Wowzer. I leave for two weeks and everything goes mammaries vertical. If you catch my drift. I clearly haven't missed anything important, but could Ktan clue me in on some of the better fanfic submissions? You can do it via pm. ... Click here to view this comment.

#190. Posted on July 26, 2006 02:34 AM. ROFL! Someone actually tried to type in my 'i want unit 408' cheat! I won't tell you who it is 'cause that would be harsh, but... lol! Anyways, I'm gonna be studiously absent for 2 weeks on account of temporarily relocating to France for a nice holiday. If the fiction section goes to hell whilst I'm gone... it's Delta's fault. ... Click here to view this comment.

#191. Posted on July 25, 2006 04:33 AM. There's a lot more to follow, but I'm going away for two weeks to France - yayness legal alcohol! (but not to excess ) So there'll be no posting from me here. ... Click here to view this comment.

#192. Posted on July 25, 2006 04:30 AM. Why's everyone going on about my signature, which is a TRIBUTE to a certain ex-member? It's clever, you all wish you'd thought of it... get over it. DontShoot gave me an award for it, check the Awards forum. WOOt! wOOT! WOOt! WAIT DONT SHOOT Edit: ... Click here to view this comment.

#193. Posted on July 24, 2006 02:28 AM. Glad you liked it. Anyways, it'll be getting a rewrite at some point - about the same time that BstRhino gets around to revamping the site. ... Click here to view this comment.

#194. Posted on July 22, 2006 11:08 AM. *sniff* This beauty may never be finished now that DontShoot has left. Just so long as he keeps writing while he's gone. wOOT! WOOt! wOOT! WAIT DONT SHOOT ... Click here to view this comment.

#195. Posted on July 22, 2006 11:06 AM. Yes, it's a cheat, it's not listed here because whoever hacked the SC files to figure them out did it badly. You type in 'i want unit 408' and you'll spawn the unit where your cursor is placed. Obviously doesn't work if your cursor is over water or otherwise impassable terrain. Gallantry: in answer to your question, the news archives can be reached by scrolling to the bottom of the home page. Next time, PM one of the staff. ... Click here to view this comment.

#196. Posted on July 22, 2006 07:50 AM. These attention-grabbing antics are just annoying and childish. WOOt! wOOT! WOOt! WAIT DONT SHOOT ... Click here to view this comment.