X9 (Section Moderator)
Section Moderator
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The following are documents submitted by this user:
The following are comments posted by this user:
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#1. Posted on May 20, 2008 09:20 AM. Dear smithdapimp212, Welcome to StarCraft.Org! Good to see new fiction writers here. =] An alright story. As Ihatezerg said, stereotypes were a problem--like he said, 'think things through more'. Taking more time to think about what you want to write, etc...really makes things a lot better (I can recall IHZ complaining he takes an hour to write every page  ).
Hey, man, welcome to SCO. Hope you enjoy your stay here.
Regards,
X9, StarCraft.Org Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#2. Posted on April 12, 2008 11:57 AM. Dear deadlyassassin, I'm now considering whether or not I should even pretend to read your stories before just entering exceptional. Saves time if I don't even give the illusion of going through the proper motions of reading. ;-)
Very good work, again, as per Batchelor.
Regards,
X9 ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#3. Posted on April 12, 2008 11:56 AM. Dear Balance, I think the way it always goes is that for series, whether of written word or television, first ones are always the best. However, don't take me wrong--your work is still very good. Keep it up. =]
Regards,
X9
p.s. - you can do italics: < i > text < /i > (when you do it, take out the spaces; obviously I can't take out the spaces here or else it'll do it ) ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#4. Posted on April 06, 2008 09:21 AM. Dear Snot, To corroborate DocOc's comment-- Look at paragraphs three, five, and six (the beginning paras of the mission briefing)--it seems stereotypical because you have the loud commanding officer giving out an (absurdly) detailed overview of the mission of which most of the details his subordinates don't have to know, you have the scared trooper who asks a question, etc... Your mission briefing carries a lot of drama--"Our target! Tarsonis!" and "...rescue and extracti ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#5. Posted on April 06, 2008 09:18 AM. Dear HBR, In agreement with the former comments, I think the game mechanisms detract from the story--they make it punctuate and unconnected, and are highly unrealistic. No military commander has the jurisdiction to give such detailed orders to his individual tactical units--it would be suicide. Rules of engagement are meant for a reason--if units just listened to the screaming of their commander over the COM, they'd get slaughtered. For example, this is how I would write the first paragra ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#6. Posted on April 01, 2008 08:01 AM. Dear Balance, Pretty good. I think your previous works were better -- I always say that, so don't mind me. ^^ However, this was pretty good. It seems a bit...simplistic, though. I don't know how to say it, but I think that some spice needs to be injected at strategic places, such as the conversation with the criminal leaders. A nice touch was at the end, though, foreshadowing the war. Keep it up. ~good~ Regards, X9 p.s. -- you need to stop using parentheses; they're driving me insane ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#7. Posted on March 28, 2008 07:35 AM. Dear Snot, Huh, I don't know how I've *not* seen your series in the time I've been here, and I'm quite sorry I had missed out on this. The work is good and solid. It is better than most pieces on SCO, and you have a flair to your writing, but my most glaring problem with your piece is how stereotypic it is. It seems to follow a proscribed formula; the mission briefing is written along stereotyped military lines, etc..you have good abilities, but you should try to use them more creatively. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#8. Posted on March 28, 2008 07:31 AM. Dear DevilKing71, Welcome to StarCraft.Org! It is quite rare and unusual to find an author's piece of such quality -- even for my typically extensive repetoire of criticism, this remains unfettered from all of it. It's beautiful. It has that unmistakable undertone of urgency and excitement, and is in the lovely vein of classic, compelling fiction. When I first read this piece this morning, when I thought of a word to summarize it, it was "captivating". A very powerful short story. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#9. Posted on March 02, 2008 10:29 AM. Dear ThunderThighs, Beautific job. At first I read the title and the first paragraph and discounted it, but once I read it through in its entireity, I realized it perfectly paints the picture of the battle with each muted detail. ~exceptional~ Regards, X9, StarCraft.Org Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#10. Posted on January 19, 2008 07:01 AM. Dear ReaperXtra, To be honest, I'm disacquainted with the plotline, as I haven't read Part 1 nor Part 2. Thus, I can offer no connotation on the plot. ^^ However, to be honest, there are presentation errors as far as I can see; spelling and grammatical errors that greatly detract from the worth of the story. The vocabulary, styling, and plot development also don't appear very complex, but then again, I'm not very familiar with the series. =] Regards, X9, StarCraft.Org Fan Fiction Modera ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#11. Posted on January 18, 2008 01:48 AM. Dear Raith, To be quite honest, I think that Chapter #1 was better than its predecessor. This chapter didn't quite make sense, and as a neuroscience student, the "regeneration capsule" bringing people back to life seems quite unrealistic. Furthermore, I think that the concept of the "demons" is somewhat familiar...wasn't there an Xbox 360 game last year about Mafia gangsters and these demons? I think the best point of the story was the ending, which was abstract and comple ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#12. Posted on January 18, 2008 01:44 AM. Dear Raith, Good work. Well, I guess I'll be the first to welcome you to StarCraft.Org! =] I'm X9, one of the fan fiction moderators here, and if there's any way I could help with your fanon, please let me know. I think your story was quite good. The beginning seemed a mellow, but the suspense was built in a good way. I actually /did/ feel it and a little franticness as he searched room to room -- good work. Some of 5Daimyo's points are very valid; though. David's reaction seems a bit abbr ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#13. Posted on January 03, 2008 11:05 AM. Dear RearAdmirel, The name "Max Weiner" as a Wraith pilot strikes me as fairly coincidental, and also the reference to a "Rachael Perry". I think the story might be more unique if it didn't cover something already covered by the novels -- perhaps try something else in the SC universe?
Regards,
X9, StarCraft.Org Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#14. Posted on January 03, 2008 11:02 AM. Dear EpsilonSquadron, I wouldn't take 5Daimyo's comment extremely seriously -- it was fairly offensive and unnecessarily hurtful. However, it wasn't sufficiently serious to befit the Ghost-troopers, and I don't think provided an accurate view on their military set-up. Perhaps try a more unique approach on analyzing the Ghosts? Regards, X9, StarCraft.Org Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#15. Posted on December 27, 2007 10:43 PM. Dear all, Lol, wouldn't be so sure about being excited -- this will undoubtedly be a CRAPLOAD of work for myself and the other fiction moderators. ;-) Regards, X9, StarCraft.Org Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#16. Posted on December 16, 2007 10:10 PM. Dear smasher25, Yay! =] Happy holidays, guys! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#17. Posted on December 11, 2007 04:48 PM. Dear Smasher, Just to satisfy meh ego -- from where does my part start?
Cheers,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#18. Posted on December 05, 2007 11:28 PM. Dear DoctorOctopus, Exceptional. The writing flowed beautifully, and it captured a fairly good military essence, although I'll take the time to nitpick at you regarding the lack of military details, but since I've been saying that for the last few months...you probably can discount that. ANyways, lovely job at capturing the military "nonchalance" of sorts. Plot was a bit confusing, though -- was that intended?
~very exceptional~
Cheers,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#19. Posted on December 03, 2007 11:42 PM. Dear DoctorOctopus, Definately agreed. Substantial improvement. Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#20. Posted on December 02, 2007 03:31 PM. Dear Haladras, Roger. Wait...PACIFIST!? O_O *X9 madly lunges for the nearest rack of rifles and magazines littered over his house and begins frothing, and then realizes he can't steal any of Haladras's beautiful writing if Haladras is dead*
BTW, how's your bro? Haven't heard from 'em in awhile.
Regards,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#21. Posted on December 02, 2007 03:25 PM. Dear smasher25, Pretty good. You've made a substantial improvement -- there were beautiful touches (especially at the very end) along a fairly good story overall. Was my part at the end?
~weak exceptional~
Welcome back! =]
Cheers,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#22. Posted on November 29, 2007 03:34 PM. Dear RyeMcCrory, Quite brief. That was my predominant problem; the grace your writing typically carries was absolutely present, but the shortness wasn't so hot, and also the military realism -- as you may or may not know, I tend to be a military fiend for realism, dialogue, and technology, so I rant about that on every fiction. ^^ I'll probably hold off voting on one of your pieces until it's longer and I can make a fairer assessment. =] Regards, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#23. Posted on November 29, 2007 12:32 AM. Dear Haladras, I can't quite remember the plot from The Blades of Aiur series - too complex, lengthy, and too long ago. However, it's beautiful to see you back again! I thought I'd seen the the last of you are I was ruminating at my desk a few days ago, and was intending to ask how your brother was doing in calculus. ^^
Anyways, the writing is excellent. I think your forte is with the protoss, and the deliberations on Marx was good. The only major blemish were a few awkward phrases and ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#24. Posted on November 26, 2007 07:03 PM. Dear Ihatezerg, In constrast to Clone98, I thought it was very exciting, and techncially well-done and impeccable. I would offer a typical grouchy cabalistic moderator's scathing of your piece, but there's nothing to blame.
Need I post my vote?
~exceptional~
Cheers,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#25. Posted on November 25, 2007 01:35 PM. Dear Batchelor, Lovely. Completely lovely; it resonated very well with one of my pithy sarcastic writing styles, and I am pleased to announce my new Phrase of the Week is "conscientiously objecting"! XD I've fallen in love with that phrase and am now using it to describe all persons and objects in real life and in fiction. ^^ ~exceptional~ Another great work from Batchelor! =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#26. Posted on November 22, 2007 08:37 AM. Dear Ihatezerg, Nice to see you again! XD Anyways, I hadn't noticed those descrepancies - very true. However, I believe the truest point is the "four year old kiddies" part. Overall, I just think that the story's too fun and warm and unrealistic at parts. =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#27. Posted on November 21, 2007 10:49 PM. Dear Assas1n, The dialogue is unrealistic, and it is far too colloquial and flamboyant. Try to get the "grit" of warfare into your writing. BTW, welcome to Starcraft.org! I'm X9, one of the fiction moderators. Please don't be discouraged and keep on trying! =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#28. Posted on November 15, 2007 05:32 PM. Dear Clone98 and GMmarine, Appreciate it! ^^ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#29. Posted on November 13, 2007 07:06 PM. Dear DoctorOctopus, I personally have no idea; we moderators weren't informed of it. I'd ask What's-His-Name...Ktan. =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#30. Posted on November 13, 2007 09:50 AM. Dear RearAdmirel, Nice to see you again. Writing sounded a bit familiar. Anyways, I'd advise that you try to cut down from the futuristic technology, military jargon, and militareque dialogue; it's too flashy for its own sake, and with all due respect, as a hardcore military kind of guy, it turns off the wrong way when it's not 100% on-target military dialogue or science fiction technology. Furthermore, dialogue a bit too colloquial and exaggerated; don't worry, that's been my rant for ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#31. Posted on November 13, 2007 09:47 AM. Dear Wraithfighter, You probably want to change the first line; the all caps and the...ahh, what the hell's the term called? The actualization of sounds into words wasn't quite professional, and turned me off fairly.
Furthermore, some of the dialogue's too flamboyant and carefree; I'd make it more serious and realistic.
Best of luck with your writing.
Cheers,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#32. Posted on November 10, 2007 09:29 AM. Dear littlefishh, Good job, but I have mixed thoughts. The writing was excellent-caliber; your style's great, even amongst some of the most veteran writers here. However, the plot was fairly unrealistic and the style seemed too colloquial and offhand. Furthermore, it would be highly unlikely to have a medic as a "Captain", as in the current organization of the U.S. armed forces, combat medics are assigned to the U.S. Navy, and thus often hold the ranks of Petty Officer. =] Howeve ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#33. Posted on November 08, 2007 11:23 PM. Dear NAGOL, With all due respect to DoctorOctopus and InfestedTerran, I think my read-through was a bit too quick for me to nitpick like an angry moderator over the spelling. However, if *two* veterans say something about it, it's probably fairly important. =]
Overall, I think it was a bit too off-hand and colloquial. I think I might be a broken record, but as of late, I find that many pieces are not sufficiently complex nor serious. A point that really called out to me was the usage of ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#34. Posted on November 08, 2007 11:17 PM. Dear Wraithfighter, Fairly good. However, with all due respect, I think your writing style is a bit too colloquial; not verbose and complicated enough (although that's one of my notable shortcomings), and just a bit too off-hand and not sufficiently serious. However, the length was definately commendable, as was the effort. =] If I'm missing a notable element, please let me know. ^^ It appears that there's something the other reviewers are seeing that I'm not, and I would love to be able t ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#35. Posted on October 13, 2007 09:19 PM. Dear SgtShroom, Extraordinarily awesome. Goodness gracious, I was laughing *so* hard....you're awesome. ~exceptional~ Regards, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#36. Posted on October 10, 2007 10:43 PM. Dear starcraft78cwal, It's alright: I agree with Balance that you're an up-and-coming writer: the plot was fairly predictable, but was the writing was ok. =] ~weak good~ Keep it up, and welcome to StarCraft.org! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#37. Posted on October 05, 2007 09:12 PM. Dear SgtHK and Ecryor0, Pretty good. I think the ending was better than the beginning: all around some solid stuff, although nothing that was particularly outstanding that caught my eye. However, I like it: conveys the old run 'ole the mill operation, even if being a bit too stereotyped at times. =] ~good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - I'm a huge fan of your renders too. XD ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#38. Posted on September 24, 2007 04:29 PM. Dear ROCKYtheZEALOT, I look forward with the rest of the community to guiding your writing through the next few years. To be candid, when I was 12, I was just starting here too, and when DocOc was 12, he was pwnzing all of us here. However, I would recommend putting more effort and lengthning your piece. That'd be a big step towards getting better. =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#39. Posted on September 23, 2007 07:39 PM. Dear WorldCommunist8, Just got your PM but am too lazy/busy/<insert excuse> to respond. =] Hmm...rhyming may be appropriate in certain poems, but since I am definately not an expert poet in any way, shape, or form, I tend to stick away from rhyming to use use more eloquent vocabulary to have a smoother poetic feel, which I believe is more important than having a standard rhyming scheme. ^^ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#40. Posted on September 11, 2007 09:44 AM. Dear Ksrugi, Fairly good! Nice job! The major issue I believe was length: it was too brief, and the romance could have been substantially made more realistic. However, the ending line was quite nice. =] ~good~ Best Regards, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#41. Posted on September 11, 2007 09:43 AM. Dear Nox174, With all due respect, sir, your piece is at times difficult to read. Even the first section I was trying to understand what was unraveling. While I believe the above remarks are a bit stinging, they unfortunately have a point: you could greatly enhance your future writings by articulating further the plot, further describing characters and environments, and adding more jarring and vivid battles. =] Keep it up! =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#42. Posted on September 11, 2007 09:39 AM. Dear Detective, Most excellent work, and perhaps one of the best pieces I have seen in months. The neuropsychology was perfect, and as a neuroscience student, it was rewarding and a breath of fresh air, and the adjectives were fruitful and exactingly exquisite...your work is one of the best I've ever seen as a Fan Fiction Moderator of Starcraft.org, and I'm looking forward to more! Hoo-RAH! =] ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#43. Posted on August 29, 2007 08:46 PM. Dear Balance, Fine work as always, although I liked your previous installments better. This one was a bit short, and lacked any visceral throaty action, but I liked it. Just a point on realism: Staff Sergeants command single squads...how are there only two on an entire planet? =] ~exceptional~ Keep it up, Balance! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#44. Posted on August 28, 2007 07:50 AM. Dear mranderson, Definately an improvement. A marked improvement. The first scene with the girl could've been more improved with less emotional exaggerations and further descriptions, IMHO, and the battle was actually bettter than I expected by a little bit, although it requires a substantial amount of work, in my opinion. Great job, and keep it up! =] ~good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#45. Posted on August 28, 2007 07:48 AM. Dear mranderson, I don't quite understand the story: it's a bit too short for a plot. However, as per DoctorOctopus, good effort. I hope to see more from this in the future! =] ~good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#46. Posted on August 27, 2007 09:26 PM. Dear Rollos, I'd advise that you try to keep your stories away from traditional StarCraft play, of positioning of defenses, building construction, etc...the sci-fi inventions you have turn out a bit awkward, because they're not fully described, and the plot was a bit confusing and short. =] Keep it up, however! ^^ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#47. Posted on August 27, 2007 04:18 PM. Dear SgtHK, As in your freehand draws straighter lines than my ruler does. ;-) Ah, and brief note: "suppressor", not "silencer". ^^ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#48. Posted on August 26, 2007 11:58 PM. Dear all, Wow...I really need to sharpen my StarCraft skillz. I haven't played for over 9 months now, and this moderator isn't getting thrashed like chaff! =] Great job guys. I must learn from your skillz. ^^ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#49. Posted on August 26, 2007 11:56 PM. Dear SgtHK, Excellent. I'm a big fan of blueprints as well, although my ruler somehow delineates lines that are less exacting than your own...which I feel totally pwnz0red by. =] Anyways, the technica commentary was also surprisingly good - as a thorough and through fleet junkie, I obsess over military details, and didn't find the substandard sentences I was sublimnally expecting, and instead found a rather informative and pleasing description that meant something. I love how you caught ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#50. Posted on August 26, 2007 11:51 PM. Dear Ktan, Looks nice...lovely grounds for fanon. Anyways, "Orca" from C&C? ^^ Looks like the Banshee has unlimited munitions, unlike the pesky Orca. =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#51. Posted on August 19, 2007 11:46 AM. Dear Haladras, True, to in an extent, although I believe the criticism was unnecessarily stinging, as I'm not sure how far off DA was with the "mannerisms" of a Reaper. ^^ I mean, I've had to think about it for awhile before writing my own Reaper stuffelz...but how far apart are Reapers from Marines? I know some active military servicemen, and criminals-turned-enlisted-men aren't that far apart from ROTC peeps, eh? Everyone's the same in the battle, in my opinion, and if there was a ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#52. Posted on August 19, 2007 11:41 AM. Dear zeratuldraco, With all due respect, the "military crew" is entirely unrealistic - 10 security guards for a flying fortress and some 13 to pilot the warship? The battlecruiser, in my understanding of generalized science fiction naval doctrine, would be a dual heavy warship and also a planetary assault craft with at least a battalion of troops and vehicular pieces ready to be loaded into sufficient dropships that could land all the contingent in several waves. =] There are som ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#53. Posted on August 16, 2007 08:08 AM. Dear dysfunktional, I don't see why your piece is an "average". It most certainly is not, and since I myself am more of an abstract writer, this is a blissful departure from the aggregate of "realism" pieces that I sift through on Starcraft.org. The only point I objected to was the hydralisk eavesdropping, something that I believe does not fit the characterization...otherwise, beautiful. I could've punched it up on a few places with regards to descriptions, but otherwise, ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#54. Posted on August 13, 2007 12:43 PM. Dear zeratuldraco, With all due respect...the grammar is not particularly outstanding, the length is abbreviated, and the action is very transient and hazy...maybe add a lot more details, and then I'll vote again. =] Best Regards, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#55. Posted on August 09, 2007 09:34 PM. Dear all, As per DoctorOctopus. My first read, this was novel quality...my second read, this was uber-novel quality. XD Furthermore, the Reaper is a light Terran raider...like the Marine, but more aggressive, and sporting jumppacks that allow it to transverse different terrains with ease. =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - This piece scares the hell outta me for submitting my own Reaper peace ;-) ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#56. Posted on August 09, 2007 03:48 PM. Dear Deadlyassassin, Great work. I'm currently working on a fan fiction about a Reaper, started it a couple of days ago, so when I post, don't say I copied. ^^ Anyways, I loved it. The length got a bit tedious near the middle and the end, but I'm never one to complain if a story is too *long*. The combat was pretty good, which is a major plus for me, the storyline was stereotypical, IMHO, but I still loved it. XD ~exceptional~ Keep it up, sir! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#57. Posted on August 07, 2007 09:01 PM. Dear Balance, Great work! I think I liked Chapter 5 a bit better...this was good, though. The first part, regarding the descriptions of the illicit rooms, was probably my favorite part. The section regarding the stim packs and morality probably could be spruced up with a bit more drama, and the end could use some fleshing out about the deliberations of the soldiers to join Mengsk. =] Keep it up! ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#58. Posted on August 07, 2007 05:49 PM. Dear ButcherUSMC, Not bad. At the first read, it seemed flawed in areas, but upon the second read, it became clear that those are the intrinsic flaws of the sci-fi genre, and not your writing, which flowed rather well. There wasn't much I could really criticize (constructively, of course ^^) on, although not many notable great points...however, it'd be great if you could expand more on the political structure of the U.T.F., the technical aspects of the planetary invasion, and more about the e ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#59. Posted on August 07, 2007 06:24 AM. Dear Gonissa, Surprisingly good! =] Not much plot, but great flow, and good mastery of vocabulary: not overdone, but enough to make this a fast-paced piece, and nice description of Kerrigan's turning. ^^ ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#60. Posted on August 06, 2007 09:08 PM. Dear jello12, It was my pleasure to comment. =] I personally wouldn't be annoyed if you sent in another one...I'm here to help writers write bettah in whatever limited capacity I am able to! ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#61. Posted on August 06, 2007 08:18 PM. Dear jello12, My problem with this piece is really it's too...time-line like. You can't temporally quantify a piece to this extent, IMHO. Stories don't proceed like "Day 1" and then "Day 2". Furthermore, it's too jovial to be realistic, and the romance is not subtle at all, unfortunately. Of course, at times, the liveliness is compulsory. A modern soldier would be forced to inject humor into his or her life to prevent psychological breakdown, as I've spoken to a few soldie ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#62. Posted on August 06, 2007 06:34 PM. Dear Tom, Beautiful. The chatter was very terse, tense, and extremely realistic, and the feel was classic science fiction minus the cheesy stuff...it just flowed exceptionally. =] Oh, and BTW... ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#63. Posted on August 06, 2007 12:57 PM. Dear Priest888, No offense, but I've noticed a considerable number of similarities with my own works...^^ Best Regards, X9, Fan Ficiton Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#64. Posted on August 06, 2007 04:30 AM. Dear DarkLStrike, I didn't let this through, as Fan Art is not my domain...anyways...we all have different ideas about what content can be submitted...you should check the staff list and see the Fan Art moderators if this is a concern to you. =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#65. Posted on August 06, 2007 04:26 AM. Dear Ecyor0, Not bad. I'd like to see more physiology and biochemistry with the Athliss, but I liked this. Nothing particularily outstanding for me to relentlessly snipe at you about...I liked the light flow...hmm, for a great series such as yours, the ending was a bit toned down...I - WANT - EPISODE - II! =] ~exceptional~ Best Regards, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#66. Posted on August 06, 2007 04:22 AM. Dear smasher25, Yeah...a bit *too* much freedom, IMHO. I don't want to buy the wrong unit and lack anti-air, and then go to a planet with a dozen Carriers. o.o At least in the original SC, I didn't have to buy any of my own units... Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#67. Posted on August 05, 2007 09:45 PM. Dear techmaster, True. Overdoing a character...it ruined all the semi-intricate characterization seen in the original StarCraft. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#68. Posted on August 05, 2007 11:36 AM. Dear all, As per protogod, but without the profanity. o.o Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#69. Posted on August 05, 2007 07:36 AM. Dear all, This "ESP" ad is sooo incredibly annoying and sickening. o.o Anyways, sorta awesome. This briefing space is a good idea, but is kinda cheesy. =S Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#70. Posted on August 03, 2007 09:20 AM. Dear Rollos, Pretty good. However, critiques: 1. Beginning: Too SC-in-game-like. Expanding, building units, etc...not too good, because it gives it a stale chess-like quality with moves and countermoves. 2. Intermediate: Getting better. The combat was not described viscerally enough, though. I'm left wondering how the entire battle played out, and the small sub-engagement mentioned wasn't in extreme detail either. 3. Ending: The best part of the story, IMHO. The chess was interesting, an ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#71. Posted on August 01, 2007 08:38 PM. Dear Tom, Very good. I think I'm too n00bish to really know your works too well, so the 1st-person-perspective seemed rather unnatural to me...anyways, pretty good. As the resident military freak around here, if you're going into some military details, I'd love to know the finer aspects of whatever technology, etc...involved...other authors are talking about characterization, etc...on this site for advice, and I'm just barking about military and technical details...I'm such a n00b. ;-) Kee ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#72. Posted on August 01, 2007 08:35 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Well, choose where you think you fit best. As always, I'd love to have another regular fiction writer as yourself (I'm an old fossil that just roars without writing anything ^^), but just...have fun, and best of luck wherever you go. I'll remember you. ^^ You've made a lot of improvement, and that's that I'm here for. Best Regards, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#73. Posted on August 01, 2007 08:33 PM. Dear WorldCommunist8, Not bad. The vocabulary was interesting, the conclusion was excellent. However, the hydralisk scenario is not very believable...maybe you could flesh it out a bit more, go beyond his apostasy? Anyways, the main worth laid in its conclusion. Great job! =] ~pretty good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#74. Posted on August 01, 2007 08:32 PM. Dear Gargoyle, Not bad for one's first submission to Starcraft.org. Well, before I give your critique...I formally welcome you to Starcraft.Org! I'm X9, one of the fan fiction moderators here. ^^ This was fairly cliche, however. The plot is rather textbook, and has been seen many times earlier, and the writing style, while occassionally having an interesting picture because of the ddescriptions, is not exceptional, although it's pretty good, better than the average stuff we get here. =] Ke ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#75. Posted on July 31, 2007 09:58 PM. Dear all, Oh noes..I haven't played StarCraft Battle.net for like...12-18 months...you won't be getting the chance to blow the hell out of your (un)friendly neighborhood fanon moderator! =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#76. Posted on July 27, 2007 09:51 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Pretty good. Some improvement from your last piece. Your pieces tend to capture more of the mainstream science fiction epic...both, in my humble opinion, the advantages and the disadvantages. The advantage: a rather very interesting plot that is surprisingly intriguing despite some of its more original roots...it even got me thinking on a moment to start a fan fiction I had stored i nthe back of my mind somewhat related to this. =] However, at times the characters are ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#77. Posted on July 27, 2007 09:35 PM. Dear DoctorOctopus, Awesome! Again, as per Tom...I've always admired how my seniors have managed to write fiction in regards to descriptions...I feel that my own are weighed down by unnecessary vocabulary and scientific descriptions that my scientific mind remands to add connotations about the appropriate intrinsic biologies, etc...but in comparison, your own, Tom's own, Haladras's own, etc...are beautiful in their conciseness. ^^ The descriptions for me were the selling point of this piec ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#78. Posted on July 26, 2007 03:40 PM. Dear all, Utterly AMAZING. =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#79. Posted on July 23, 2007 06:00 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Great to see you again! I'll read this soon! ^^ Don't give up! =] Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#80. Posted on July 21, 2007 10:03 PM. Dear Haladras, Probably a matter of taste, sir. I myself find his "showmanship" to be a bit ludricous at times during the campaign...I have no clue how anyone would handle themselves in a four-way genocidal war, especially maintaining an aire of calm and haughtiness. ^^ Anyways, great work as always. Sometime, I'll need to take a pair of scapels and dissect it to find if I can somehow steal some of that literary latent. 
Au revoir!
Cheers,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#81. Posted on July 21, 2007 09:49 AM. Dear masterofhobbiton, Perfect. My lexicon does not even have a superlative to descript it. Absolutely perfect. Wonderful. Bliss. Artistic rapture. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#82. Posted on July 21, 2007 09:48 AM. Dear Rollos, Hey, pretty good, man. The vocabulary was definately flavorful, better than the mainstream stuff we get here. However, the battle was...kind of stale, no offense. More details, please. =] If an Immortal destroyed a zergling, its phase disruptors cycled, skipped a second as the smart-linked targeting software acquired a target, and then burned its prey with cyan fire and instrinsic xenocidal hate. =] ~good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#83. Posted on July 20, 2007 10:28 PM. Dear Haladras, How dare you kill Kerrigan?  All the peeps here know I love Kerrigan...hmm...don't worry, I'll find a way to corrupt your mind until you choose to keep her on the retainer. :-)
Cheers,
X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ...Click here to view this comment. |
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#84. Posted on July 17, 2007 09:27 PM. Dear GHOSTNOVA, Pretty good...although there was some disproportionality, and the armor was kinda weirdish...but besides, that, bravo! :-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#85. Posted on July 16, 2007 04:30 PM. Dear SgtHK, Awesomeness. Love the detail! :-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#86. Posted on July 16, 2007 04:28 PM. Dear gmvgmvgmv, Great. :-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - "exceptional" vote p.s.s. - excellent details with the dropships! :-) ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#87. Posted on July 16, 2007 01:17 PM. Dear Balance, Not really...more like it's cliche. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#88. Posted on July 16, 2007 01:15 PM. Dear Haladras, Amazing work. :-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#89. Posted on July 15, 2007 05:26 PM. Dear gallantry609, Haladras has always been around here longer than you...these works are *classics*. :-) And...Haladras, great to see you around here, man! I'll get to reading this soon! :-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#90. Posted on July 10, 2007 04:51 PM. Dear all, It's pretty good! :-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#91. Posted on July 07, 2007 12:45 PM. Dear darkslaya69, Good to see that someone is is interested. I wrote a bit of it a week back...maybe I'll write more! :-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#92. Posted on July 07, 2007 12:44 PM. Dear DoctorOctopus, A supplementary comment would be nice...*X9 sighs*...I just can't pin point what you find so attractive in my ealier pieces...:-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#93. Posted on July 01, 2007 09:36 AM. Dear Balance, I think that I liked I, II, III, and IV better...the colourful vocabulary dropped a bit, and the corniness was raised a bit, but still great! Nice! ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#94. Posted on July 01, 2007 09:34 AM. Dear all, Any more comments? :-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#95. Posted on June 29, 2007 05:18 PM. Dear Tom, I didn't mean to boast my vocabulary...it just somes naturally. I didn't use the thesaurus at all, honestly...I wrote that somewhere else. Thanks as always! :-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#96. Posted on June 27, 2007 03:58 PM. Dear Clone98, Ahh...it 'twas more like an unknown ground object firing a massive beam and associated shockwave of energy and goes getting tossed around...whoops. =S :-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#97. Posted on June 27, 2007 01:32 PM. Dear Undead52, Not bad. Very good quality...simplistically elegant I believe is the word to describe it. :-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#98. Posted on June 26, 2007 07:50 PM. Dear DefX, Hmm...every single time I relook this page, Kerrigan seems weird-ish-er. ;-) But that's just a source drawing...the blending looks 133t as usual. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#99. Posted on June 26, 2007 07:49 PM. Dear DoctorOctopus, No need to be sorry, sir. So...your critiques are the same for my later RR pieces? ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#100. Posted on June 25, 2007 12:54 PM. Dear Clone98, What part wazz confuzzingingly? ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#101. Posted on June 24, 2007 01:22 PM. Dear Guardian54, ??? Surrendering is terrible, and I do *not* want GanthridorII to give up writing, but I have no idea what your "transmission" is saying. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#102. Posted on June 24, 2007 09:51 AM. Dear DefX, Very nice. ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#103. Posted on June 24, 2007 09:50 AM. Dear undead52, Thank you. ;-) I'm still not entirely sure what the hell I wrote, but I have a pretty good idea. Thanks! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#104. Posted on June 22, 2007 06:37 PM. Dear Ecyor0, Extremely good, but pretty flawed by the dialogue as per DoctorOctopus. ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#105. Posted on June 22, 2007 07:40 AM. Dear Balance, My pleasure. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#106. Posted on June 22, 2007 07:29 AM. Dear AzVortez, Thanks! ;-) What did you make of it? Like...what do you think it meant? ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#107. Posted on June 21, 2007 02:39 PM. Dear all, Heylo, it's X9! I haven't submitted a piece in 3-4 months...and now, I begin a new short series with this enigmatic prologue. I myself am not 100% sure about what I wrote. However, I sincerely hope that it'll make sense in the end...more mysteries to come shortly. ;-) Have fun! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#108. Posted on June 20, 2007 08:56 PM. Dear Balance, Great work! ;-) That dropship description of its propulsion was slightly astray to me (I've gone insane and gone through all my fanon tech details with my imaginary world of SC Terran ships ;D) and that thing about gauss rifle trajectories...it's powered by superconducting magnetic induction magnets. ;-) Straight line trajectory, IMHO, for the ranges you're talking about. ;-) A little bit of staleness on the stereotypic squad eccentricities, but otherwise...excellent! Love ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#109. Posted on June 20, 2007 08:53 PM. Dear Balance, This was a small notch down from the rest of your exceptional writing, although it still definately made the excellent par you've set around here. ;-) There were several things astray...the beginning jail scene was a bit confusing to me, and this point about dropship atmospheric supralight travel and SCVs making field bunkers on a battle timescale didn't really fit...very very minor spelling errors too...but overall... ~exceptional~ ;-) Later! Cheers, X9, Fan ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#110. Posted on June 20, 2007 08:48 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Heylo! Looong time no see! ;-) Umm...I really think that you had something pretty good going on with Ghost Unit...this Swordsman series seems to be below your improved quality, and the realism and odds are pretty improbable. I see part of that wording sophistication you had going' with the later Ghost Unit chapters, but the teenager colloquialisms were just too confluent in this one. =S ~average~ Sorry, bro. =S Keep it up! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#111. Posted on June 20, 2007 05:11 PM. Dear Detective, Flick-on-a-stick excellent. I don't think I could have done better myself, save tweak a few adjectives here and there. The military realism was excellent (that gets 133t brownie points with me ;D), and...it just...gelled. Excellent! ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#112. Posted on June 20, 2007 05:09 PM. Dear Balance, Excellent work. The combat was a bit stale and a-to-b-to-c kind of predictable, and minor factual errors...D-14 "Impaler" gauss rifles fire 12mm iron or delete uranium spikes, not submachine gun rounds (;D)...but I'm just nitpicking. w00t! ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#113. Posted on June 18, 2007 04:28 PM. Dear GanthridorII, I'll check it out soon. Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#114. Posted on June 13, 2007 10:55 AM. Dear DreamWarden, Hmm...a bit on the short side. A little bit of chesiness on the flanks...the whole "don't list to orders and stay with me" stuff, etc...but overall, I think it was pretty good! ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#115. Posted on June 13, 2007 10:53 AM. Dear GanthridorII, Hmm...pretty good. I'd say it was about on part with the previous chapter. There was the endemic cheesiness that (no offense) is laced in your stories, but I think that you will outgrow that with time. Pretty nice and inspiring storyline though. ;-) ~weak exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#116. Posted on June 11, 2007 05:15 PM. Dear preatormike, Awesome tesselating shield. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#117. Posted on June 11, 2007 01:22 PM. Dear Tom, I was just thinking about this point on Sunday the 10th. ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#118. Posted on June 08, 2007 11:52 PM. Dear AzVortez, It's really really short. It *is* exceptional quality. However, I'd like to see it extended before voting. Send me a pm when you're ready. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#119. Posted on June 08, 2007 04:48 AM. Dear GanthridorII, StarCraft, Zerg Campaign (Episode II), between Missions 6 and 7 - between "The Dark Templar" and "The Culling". One of the opening lines of "The Culling" is "Kerrigan, Zasz is dead!" bu Daggoth. ;-) Later! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#120. Posted on June 07, 2007 12:25 PM. Dear GanthridorII, 1. This series is pretty good. Keep it up. 2. Zasz dies in StarCraft: Queen of Blades (book) or in the Zerg Campaign of original StarCraft, that is, Episode II. 3. The Dominion homeworld is Korhal. However, by the end of StarCraft: Brood War, Korhal has been taken by the Zerg, so in my fanfics, I just call their new homeworld New Korhal. ;-) 4. You can also use the PRIVATE MESSAGE function in the top right hand side of the page to message users instead of email. ;- ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#121. Posted on June 06, 2007 12:23 PM. Dear SpaceSepp, Great work. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#122. Posted on June 06, 2007 12:22 PM. Dear SpaceSepp, AWESOMENESS!! ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#123. Posted on June 06, 2007 12:20 PM. Dear SgtHK, ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#124. Posted on June 06, 2007 12:19 PM. Dear acnexus, Purely excellent. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#125. Posted on June 06, 2007 12:16 PM. Dear AzVortez, Umm...unfortunately... ~average~ Sorry...it just doesn't flow for me. =( Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#126. Posted on June 06, 2007 10:17 AM. Dear all, I have no clue about this new custom layout...I just hope it doesn't screw with the PHP of the server and it lewks kewl. ;-) Later! Yes, I've missed Ktan as well. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#127. Posted on June 06, 2007 04:40 AM. Dear McNewgin, I personally don't use the thesarus...I did in my early early pieces here at Starcraft.org, and they were medicore anyways, but after I've written the number ofpieces in the intervening tie that I've been here, a thesaurus isn't necessary for me unless I'm lookin' for that word that I *know* but I *don't* know...like I know what it is but I forgot. ;-) But never really to make up big words for a story. Furthermore, the "big" words here served their purpose well, de ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#128. Posted on June 06, 2007 04:37 AM. Dear GanthridorII, Significant significant improvement. When I saw the words "severed" and "berated", and similar words percolating throughout the rest of your piece, I was very excited. You're making great progress! It was not entirely consistent, however. The "memory bank" thing at the beginning was one,and other words like "scared", etc...that didn't fit. ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#129. Posted on June 04, 2007 03:12 PM. Dear AzVortez, Okay. I normally don't like comedies. ;-) ~good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#130. Posted on June 04, 2007 11:37 AM. Dear AzVortez, Pretty funny...I'll vote later. Furthermore, I wrote something similar: "Noob", can be found at http://www.starcraft.org/fanfiction/shortstories/Noob . Later! Cheers, X9, Fan FIction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#131. Posted on June 03, 2007 07:33 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Uh...yeah...late introduction, but that's DoctorOctopus, a kickass writer that was here before me, is better than me, and deserves to be Moderator about five times more than me. ;-) His criticisms can be stinging, but listen to them. They're helpful. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#132. Posted on June 03, 2007 05:05 PM. Dear Ecyor0, Naval battles are my specialty...I hate filler scenes. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#133. Posted on June 03, 2007 06:00 AM. Dear Ecyor0, Beautiful. An improvement from I and II, if that's possible. ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#134. Posted on June 02, 2007 03:05 PM. Dear all, 748th post. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#135. Posted on June 02, 2007 03:04 PM. Dear Clone98, I overlooked the moral, which IMHO was too simplistic for me to take special notice of...what I *did* take notice of, however, was the smooth-flowing action in the center. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#136. Posted on June 02, 2007 02:55 PM. Dear gregleo2, Well, I view that my position as Fan Fiction Moderator means that I should continue all constructive arguments, no matter how new they are. I do try not to lose my temper, however. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#137. Posted on June 02, 2007 05:50 AM. Dear GanthridorII, Well, if you've read my own fan fiction, you'll see I invent units and all. However, I ensure from a history of accumulated modern warfare, science fiction, naval warfare, and physics/quantum mechanics knowledge that all invented starships and weapons are pretty realistic...however, I don't rewrite SC history. You can realistically *add* to SC history, IMHO, but not edit it. Sorry for getting you frustrated. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - "I thi ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#138. Posted on June 02, 2007 05:48 AM. Dear masterofhobbiton, I had a similar idea for fiction that I was going to publish, but you got there before me...and really, I can't do much better, if at all, because of the exceptional work you did in writing this! ;-) I absolutely loved the adjectival descriptions in the center section. Only two things that bugged me, rest was truely flawless (;D): 1. Too many periods. Just use ellipses (groups of 3 periods). ;-) 2. "slimey" and "oozing" - those two words stuck ou ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#139. Posted on June 01, 2007 05:49 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Not sure why you're acting more antagonistically now evah since you got on PopFic, but that's not exactly my concern. ;-) Definitions for "guidelines" are arbitrary. Therefore, I don't know the answer to your question. However, a general statement: I'm normally a stickler for details, and I feel if Blizzard Entertainment has published definitive information about a topic, it should be stringently followed. IMHO, fiction should build upon and expand beyond publi ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#140. Posted on June 01, 2007 05:01 PM. Dear RearAdmirel, Keep up the work!! ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#141. Posted on June 01, 2007 04:57 PM. Dear Dem0nS1ayer, The criticism is coming on pretty harsh, and I think it's a bit too over the topic...however, DocOc and Haladras (both my seniors and far better writers than I ;D) have their points. The writing's a bit too shallow, man. It's just not realistic. The excuse for the ceremony, etc...it was also short. Unfortunately, I didn't even realize the scene was supposed to be a horror scene! ;-) While IMHO DoctorOctopus was a 'lil harsh about dressing you down for the horro thingie, he h ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#142. Posted on June 01, 2007 04:52 PM. Dear DoctorOctopus, Understood, sir. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - I just didn't like the use of the word "garbage", ya know? DocOc, no matter how critical one is, "garbage", IMHO, is a pretty inappropriate word to brand something ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#143. Posted on June 01, 2007 04:50 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Well, if you don't want to read the canon, then you can't achieve the best understanding possible about the background that your pieces are set in, and if you don't know where your pieces are set, then realism and a whole other tangle of stuff goes awry. I don't want to sound harsh at all (;D), but to be frank, The Final War was better than this. Sorry! =S Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - if you read the books, even though the Ghost-troopers are human...th ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#144. Posted on June 01, 2007 03:09 PM. Dear masterofhobbiton, It looks nice anyways. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#145. Posted on June 01, 2007 01:09 PM. Dear AzVortez, 1. Very astute observation of my character. 2. You're a very brave, and very true author. I respect that! ;-) 3. Comments: 3.1 The politics need to be more realistic. You know, if I was a Dominion soldier, and Duran was even approaching Mengsk's throne, I'd order a full-scale battle battalion to kill the sucker. Stuff isn't as casual as you write it. ;-) 3.2 The deal isn't realistic, either. You don't bargain with the sonuvazerg that brought down your Dominion! ;-) Later ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#146. Posted on June 01, 2007 12:37 PM. Dear GanthridorII, While it's pretty good, the plot's confusing at times, and the Ghosts are too cheerful and human-like...reread some of the SC literature, and you'll see the true personaes of Ghost-troopers...however, good job! ~weak exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#147. Posted on June 01, 2007 04:20 AM. Dear gregleo2, The beginning was the best part...and the only thing I could find wrong in the rest of the piece was that "ZIU" is slightly phony, and the plot recall is very very slightly phony sounding as well, or actually, it works. I'm between a GOOD and EXCEPTIONAL, but, hey...it's your first fanon in a long time. ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#148. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:09 PM. Dear AzVortez, The quality dipped down from the prologue, unfortunately. The politics and Mengsk's deliberations and the Mengsk/Duran deal/conversation weren't exactly stellar on the realism scale, and although the biologial references and details on the Demons at the end were nice, there were still a few flaws that, unfortunately, impressed pretty heavily on my rating of the piece. Sorry...but in Chapter II, continue the goodness you had in the prologue, and it'll be all kewl! ;-) ~good~ ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#149. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:22 AM. Dear adad64, Ehh...what about humble 'n 'rambling? ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - I've approved chapter 1. add it to your series box. ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#150. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:21 AM. Dear gompy, It's okay. ;-) ~good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#151. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:20 AM. Dear SgtHK, It's pretty pointless for me to extoll the virtues of this piece. Sweetness. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#152. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:19 AM. Dear SgtHK, Great job. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator, SgtHK Groupie...ohh wait...did I say that? ;-) ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#153. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:18 AM. Dear Ihatezerg, What's that mean? ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#154. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:17 AM. Dear GanthridorII, Well...even if it is a game site, I'd like for you to conform to the game's...erhm...canon parameters. ;-) Later! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#155. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:15 AM. Dear GanthridorII, In the previous comments, if I'm not mistaken. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#156. Posted on May 31, 2007 07:15 AM. Dear Einarin, Yes, it definately looks "very cool". ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#157. Posted on May 30, 2007 05:41 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Unfortunately, this lacked realism. That was just an overarching element that stung at me throughout the entire piece, which to be frank, was on the shorter side. The references to these Ghosts was not stellar, neither was the explaination of the Ghost system. Very lively, though. That was good. ;-) ~good~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#158. Posted on May 30, 2007 11:04 AM. Dear Haladras, Withall due respect...erhm...that's goin' a bit far there. ;-) Cheers, X9 ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#159. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:54 AM. Dear mutalisk332, Good work...now...my sole concern is the death of Kerrigan. That is *not* allowed. Not allowed! Don't you know that you never mention Kerrigan losing/getting hurt/dying in front of X9? ;-) Heh...*X9 resurrects Kerrigan*...that's bettah. ;-) (X9 is a huge Kerrigan fan, lol ;D) Great job! Bravo zulu! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - w00t! first moderator to comment! ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#160. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:48 AM. Dear Smiffy, Pretty flickin' amazin', man. I absolutely love it. The rhythm and pace fit together almost seamlessly...nice! ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#161. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:43 AM. Dear GMmarine, I really didn't concentrate on the spelling. If you write this in Microsoft Word, Spellcheck will catch those. The pace was pretty good...at points, the story dipped into the below average zone, especially with the "20 zergling...siege tank annihilated" part...but overall, not bad, man. The ending line, however, snatched this piece from between a GOOD and an EXP to a Good, unfortunately, man. I'm sorry to say, but such a line really does not gift the reader with anyth ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#162. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:41 AM. Dear McNewgin, Pretty interesting. The first-person perspective is unexpected, and at times, made it cheesy. However, the work overall is definately above the average piece that I see here...Many cliche moments that I could have easily skipped over reading - they had a definitive start, definitive middle, and a definitive end, but I'm just ranting as the Starcraft.org overlords promoted me to do. Very good work, man. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#163. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:38 AM. Dear GanthridorII, Uhh, interesting. Again, I like the fast pace that you have in your greater pieces of writing. The beginning wasn't spectacular, but this overall's pretty good. Between a GOOD and an EXP...gahh...what the hell...? ;-) ~weak exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#164. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:35 AM. Dear undead52, Several things... 1. Old buddies? No. I've been here since June or July 2006, so I've met a fair share of users. I do not know RLZ personally, nor is he my favorite writer(s) here on this site. 2. As a Fan Fiction Moderator, I feel that my job is to encourage and also to give advice, but not scathing critism. Describing a piece as "garbage" is very offensive, and I know from a firsthand vista that such an epithet is very hurtful, and stirs up resentment. I'd sugge ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#165. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:31 AM. Dear GanthridorII, It has nothing to do with mapmaking, and pictures really doesn't matter. It's getting kinda tough for me to skip back and forth between your pieces, so I'll write you a primer on how to do this. 1. Click MANAGE SERIES 2. "To create a new series, please click here." <--Click on "click here" 3. For "Enter a series title", write "The Final War" 4. For "Enter a series description", write whatever you want 5. Follow the ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#166. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:27 AM. Dear GanthrirdorII, Yeah...in fact, you're pretty lucky. My series didn't get this many readers until pretty later on. ;-) And...yeah...I got paragraphs of critique as well from the old-timers here, so now that I'm (only partially) in their shoes, I'm also trying to make this new writer's experience both enjoyable and informative..."trying" being the key operative word lol. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#167. Posted on May 30, 2007 10:25 AM. Dear GanthrirdorII, What are you talking about? I'm insulted. I have never ever rejected a single document of fan fiction in my (limited) staff career so far, and I sure as Tassadar have never rejected a single piece of The Final War. It takes *time* for me to approve it, that's all. *X9 calms down* Sorry for my rant. However, GanthridorII, about your pieces, I do not approve pieces every hour on the hour. It takes me between 1-5 days to get to them. Sorry for the delay. However, I have ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#168. Posted on May 29, 2007 11:12 AM. Dear RineLingZlot, Long time no see! ;-) This was kinda short, but I liked the feel and the fast-pacedness of this. ;-) ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#169. Posted on May 29, 2007 11:11 AM. Dear AzVortez, 1. On the short side. However, the excellent pace and action negated that. 2. I want more BIOLOGY! Seeing that I am a Cell BIology & Neuroscience major, biology and technology mentions always get brownie points from me. Excellent work, dude. Brilliant. ~exceptional~ Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#170. Posted on May 29, 2007 11:10 AM. Dear GanthrindorII, Damn good work, man. I actually enjoyed this pretty thoroughly in the non-stop action of the center. Some minor points about realism that I've been blabbing about for the last...six?...chapters, but...good work! ;-) ~exceptional~ Oh, and you're welcome, regarding the "special thanks". ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator p.s. - remember "Manage Series"! ;-) ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#171. Posted on May 29, 2007 11:07 AM. Dear GanthrindorII, Uhh...very slight improvement from Chapter V, notable improvement from Chapter IV. However... 1. Stop using numbers, please! ;-) It's kinda getting annoying...especially "The Guardians had had enough as all 12 aimed their acid bombs at...(guess who) Artanis, seeing his psionic emnations as the 2nd best source in the area." 2. I see you're using a lot of combat. I do not want to be immodest, but if you want naval combat, please look at my own works, and make ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#172. Posted on May 29, 2007 11:01 AM. Dear GanthridorII, A slight improvement from Chapter IV. I see that you cut down on the numbers and such...pretty good....keep up the hope! ;-) Just two concerns: 1. Realism (ships) - This isn't quite believable. WTHalo is a "Super Wraith"? How the hell does a Guardian/Devourer/Scout get formed? For goodness's sake...if you want ideas for better Terran starfighters, please check my Raynor's Raiders series, which I personally believe has a wealth of Terran starfighters and capital ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#173. Posted on May 29, 2007 10:53 AM. Dear GanthridorII, The quality went down on this one, unfortunately. I'm not sure if I've warned you about this...but... 1. Never ever ever treat StarCraft fiction like chess. This should be be written down (for example): Five Wraiths attacked the two carriers and their 150 interceptors. Eight more mutalisks joined in the fight. The carriers exploded with their interceptor compliments, taking out seven mutalisks as well. The Wraiths killed the last mutalisk. - Do not ever write in such bla ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#174. Posted on May 29, 2007 10:49 AM. Dear GanthridorII, 1. I'd still recommend sticking to realism. ;-) 2. Try to use the "Manage Series" button on the right hand side of the screen on your user toolbar. It'd save me and alotta other Final War fans some grief. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#175. Posted on May 29, 2007 10:48 AM. Dear SgtHK, FREAKING AMAZING DUDE! EXCEPTIONAL! Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#176. Posted on May 27, 2007 05:37 AM. Dear Ecyor0, I seem to remember that you previous episode was longer, and while this was good, it was not as good as the first. The length was a bit shorter, but the writing was pretty good. If you introduced IRS, you shoulda explained it a bit more...but all in all, far superior to the normal stuff we get here. ~excepptional~ Keep it up! Cheers, X9 p.s. - Use the MANAGE SERIES function in your user toolbar on the right-hand side to organize your growing series. ;-) ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#177. Posted on May 25, 2007 06:19 PM. Dear Ecyor0, Dammit! I haven't seen you since Winter 2006-2007! I thought you were gone for good, and several weeks ago, I was even thinking about Athliss Chronicles because of its exceptional writing. I must leave now, but after my trip, I fullheartedly look forward to readin' Episode II! ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#178. Posted on May 25, 2007 01:48 PM. Dear GanthridorII, Here are points of possible improvement: 1. Character/Race Realism - emulation of the various characters and races and their subleties could be touched up on. For a non-related example...Kerrigan is not all the time very macho and slaughtering...she's often subtly manipulative before she goes powah crazy and murdering. Justr a non-related example. 2. Grammar - minor spellings, etc...but a gigantic improvement. Good! ;-) 3. Word Choice - this comes up in every singl ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#179. Posted on May 25, 2007 04:31 AM. Dear GanthridorII, This is an enormous improvement. The writing quality has shot up from I + II, and when I read the rest of the chapters this afternoon, I hope to see the same improvement continue. ;-) However, they *do* have some valid points that I hope that you can learn from. They're here not to bash you, but to offer how to make your fanon pieces even better in the future...so you might get onto "POPULAR FICTION" list! ;-) 1. Character/Race Realism - What mutalisk332 sai ... Click here to view this comment. |
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#180. Posted on May 25, 2007 04:26 AM. Dear Yossarian, My apologies. I admit I was lazy when moderating the newest batch of fan fiction. ;-) Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ------------------------- Dear Snuff, This could use some...erhm...work. The grammar could be improved, but the major problem is the content. Later. Cheers, X9, Fan Fiction Moderator ... Click here to view this comment. |